Lockjaw (Joshler)

25. Guilt

Start the song. It's Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent.

For the first time in a very long time, Tyler took a day off from work. He hung out with Tatum and P while Zack went to work, avoiding going home until he thought Jenna would most likely be gone. Tatum had told Zack about what happened with Jenna, and Tyler knew that, but his brother was still acting like Tyler had only come here because he had a migraine. Tatum assured Tyler it was because Zack didn't want to put any pressure on him to talk about it before he was ready. Somehow, Tyler didn't believe that.

Tyler was currently bouncing P on his knee at the kitchen table while he wrote out the address on Josh's next letter. Tatum was making cupcakes that she insisted would make Tyler less anxious about going home, so he was watching his niece for her. The baby on his knee babbled happily as she slobbered around a teething ring that Tatum had grabbed out of the freezer.

"She's starting to get a tooth up top," Tatum told Tyler as she sifted flour into a bowl. "Frozen stuff helps."

"How the hell is she old enough to have a tooth?" Tyler asked, making P laughed when he tipped her head back gently and pushed up her top lip to see the tiny tooth barely peeking out from her gums. "Where did you get that?" He asked P, smiling when she giggled again.

Tatum was smiling as she measured out a cup of sugar. "She loves when you come visit. You're the only person she gets this excited to see. She doesn't even like your parents yet, which is crazy. Everyone likes their grandparents, right?"

"I'm more fun than grandparents. Right, P?" Tyler asked the baby in his lap, grinning when she blew a raspberry at him and offered him a practically toothless smile.

Baking supplies covered the table Tyler was sitting at, but he still had enough room to scribble out his PO Box and the information for the prison on front of the envelope before sticking a stamp in the corner. As much as he didn't particularly want his family to know he was writing to someone in a high security prison, he also didn't really think anyone would give him shit about it with the current situation.maybe they'd assume he'd given up on relationships and was turning into one of those weirdos who wrote love letters to dudes who were on death row. Josh wasn't on death row though, and these weren't love letters.

"What time is she supposed to be out of your house by?" Tatum asked casually, not looking up at Tyler as she added sugar in with the flour.

"I didn't really think to give her a time, so I don't know," Tyler replied.

"Want me to have Zack drive by on his way home from work so we can know it's all clear?" Tatum offered.

Tyler shrugged, kissing the top of P's head when she babbled at him. "Sure. That would be awesome. Thanks."

He felt sick whenever he even thought about going back to his house though. He didn't want to have to kick his shoes off where the orange shoes had once been. He didn't want to sleep in the bed Jenna had cheated on him in. He didn't want to go into the kitchen Jenna spent most of her time in. He didn't want to sit on the couch he and Jenna cuddled and watched movies in. He didn't want to stand in their shower or sit in their bathtub or wash his hands in their sink or stand on their carpet or any of that. He just wanted all of this to reset, to cease to exist.

"Maybe I shouldn't be making her move out. Maybe I should just get my shit out of there and find a new place to live," Tyler thought aloud.

Tatum shook her head. "You lived in that house before you and Jenna were even together. That's your house. Besides, she doesn't work. How would she be able to afford a house like that without you working your butt off to do it for her? She'd lose it in a month, Ty. That's your house. It's always been your house, and she doesn't get to take that from you."