All Alone | Stanley Uris

Chapter 1 : Contradictions

✎ 𝓮𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭

I often find that the funny thing about anxiety is the contradictions it creates. How is it that I'm far too nervous to stay in class without getting an upset stomach, but I can ask the teacher to leave? It's probably because the more I think about it, the idea of creating a mess of myself in front of everyone else is far more upsetting than the idea of talking to that woman. 

A quick glance over to the clock pinned to the wall reveals there's still five minutes until the bell rings and we are on summer break. Unfortunately, my nervous bladder cares very little about the time. I quickly side out of my desk with my head lowered to the ground. Only 10 steps to the teacher's desk. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... 

"Miss, may I use the bathroom?" I ask softly, staring at her wrinkly hands folded on her desk. 

"The bell is going to ring in five minutes, can't you wait, Deirdre?" My teacher replies tiredly, a sigh escaping her lips as her fingers rub her temples.

"It's my nervous bladder, miss," I whisper, even though the room is loud.

"All right, but take your stuff with you. Have a good summer break," She sighs deeply, giving in. 

I hurry and leave before anybody notices me. 

Fortunately, the bathroom is right next to my classroom so I don't worry much. As soon as I enter, the thick smell of cigarettes hits me. This could be bad news if it's Greta. 

Greta always teases me about not having any friends. Doesn't she realise I don't have friends because she teases me? It's also contradicting... I definitely won't miss her during this summer though.  

If I'm lucky, the cigarette smell belongs to the black sheep, Beverly Marsh. I pity the poor girl. Greta has been picking on her as well, which has taken most of the attention off of me-- but still! Unfortunately, rumours recently spread that Beverly has been doing... well, bad things, quite scandalous things even. 

I quickly slide into a bathroom stall, hoping to avoid any interactions with someone. 

"Hello?" A female voice speaks up first.

"Hi..." I reply meekly. 

"Who's there?" She asks.

"Deirdre, who are you?" I ask, praying it's not Greta or one of her goons.

"Beverly," She replies. I release a breath I had been holding. 

"Greta's gonna smell you-- no offence!" I quickly try to apologise as I start to wash my hands.

"None taken. And it's okay, I'm not afraid of Greta, she can find me whenever she wants," She states bravely. I shake my hands dry as the bell rings.

"It's not true, you know," she says suddenly. 

"What?" I ask, confused.

"The rumours, I'm still a virgin," She informs me quietly. I smile softly.

"I didn't think they were," I reassure her.

"Thanks, Deirdre," She tells me.

"You're welcome," I head for the exit. 

One of Greta's goons bumps into me on my way out. I look back at her and keep walking forward, which was a terrible idea. Because my vision isn't focused in front of me, I bump into someone. The force of our impact sends my glasses flying off of my face. I gasp as a pair of arms grab my own, trying to steady me. I keep my head down though, where did my glasses go?

"I'm so sorry!" The person nervously apologises, on the verge of stuttering. It's a guy.

"No, I'm sorry." I try to dismiss him and get him to leave me alone.

I fall to the floor as I begin looking for my glasses. I look all over the floor, trying not to get stepped on. A quick glance to my left makes me realise that the guy I bumped into is looking also. He suddenly shoves something in front of my face. I grab it when I realise it's my glasses. I slide them on and stand up before I get kicked. 

I finally look at the face of the guy who I ran into. He has light brown curly hair, shiny hazel eyes and is really tall.

"Move losers," Someone behind us says, pushing both of us lightly. I tuck some loose hair behind my ear and walk next to the guy.

"Thank you for helping me find my glasses," I quickly get out.

"Of course, I ran into you after all. I should have been looking, I'm sorry," He quickly replies, waving his hands at me nervously.

"My name is Stan," He holds one of his hands out. I hesitantly take hold and shake his hand.

"I'm Deirdre," I show a small smile. We walk down the stairs in front of the school.

"I don't think I've ever seen you around school before," He says. I wouldn't have expected someone as cute as him to have noticed me anyway. 

"I spend my time trying to avoid Greta Bowie," I explain to him, hugging myself. 

"Oh," He says softly. We are at the trashcan and he takes off his backpack and dumps it out along with 3 other guys.

"Guys," Stan gains their attention. "This is Deirdre," He introduces me. I awkwardly wave at them. They wave back. Stan points at them and introduces them.

"That guy with the glasses is Richie, the guy in the red shirt is Eddie and the guy in the green shirt is Bill," He points out every one of them, while they talk to each other.