Moving On [SwaggerSouls]

/Chapter Eight/ Crossroads

"Hell if I know, he just walked out on me."

I spat into my cellphone out of frustration and sadness as I sat perched on the edge of my bed.

The bed that I'd just shared with another man for the first time in my life, and once again, he was gone. Just like that.

Not that I was super attached to someone I'd only known for about a day. It would be impossible to be, he didn't play a major role in my life, nor did I in his.

Then why is this fucking with me so much?

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. But hey, maybe you just dodged a bullet." Pam, now officially the only friend I had in this country, said softly into the phone.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked as I raised my eyebrows in question.

"Well... You're a woman. You know how men work. Maybe he just wanted a fling with you and ended up backing off due to pity."

"Pity? There's a whole lot of other reasons asides from that he could've decided I wasn't worth it." I respond, feeling my heart ache towards the end of the sentence.

Ouch.

"Well, he wanted to see you after dinner. And dinner happened after you met him just hours earlier at a coffee shop, he clearly liked you a good amount to want to take you on a date after a few hours." She sighed as she went on, "Honey, you're a good time. He knows that he wouldn't have seen you again, especially not as soon as he did if you weren't. But Alyssa? Look at yourself, you're miserable."

"Yeah, I know." I say as I begin to tear up, blinking a few times, "It becomes more and more apparent each and every day."

"You're clearly a very emotional person, which isn't a bad thing at all. When you feel something, it basically radiates off of you. Or at least that's what I've noticed with you these past couple of weeks. Your break up clearly hit you hard, and there is no way you're completely over your ex despite what he's put you through because when he was yours, he was your entire world, right?"

"Yeah."

"You're gonna find that again, but with time. Darkest before the dawn, right?" It gets worse before it gets better, and it will get better with time. But a whole lot of time, and you have to be patient, with yourself. Sure, fucking around with guys are fun, because they're a temporary distraction from all the pain you're constantly feeling, but at the end of the day, they're not gonna fix you. You're gonna fix you."

"Wow, you're right but I didn't really expect this to turn into a motivational speech. I was more so just calling so you could bash some prick who just ditched me along with me." I chuckled into the phone, feeling the ache in my heart begins to get a bit less apparent.

"Yet another temporary solution, Lyss. Concentrate on you, hate him later. Remember: you're pretty much broken right now, so you couldn't give him 100% of you even if you wanted to. I'm not saying what he did was right, but remember what I told you: your emotions radiate off of you. He could likely tell right off the bat that you were going through some rough shit, and likely just wanted to try and make things a bit more bearable, but then realized he was biting off a little bit more than he could chew."

I sighed, "And I can't really blame him for that, can I?"

"Unfortunately not. But remember: Everything happens for a reason. It'll get better, you just gotta do you and don't let his mistake make you doubt yourself any more than you already do. You're a catch, a good person with an even better heart, but you need to see that for yourself before you can expect someone else to."

"Thank you, Pam. You have no idea how much this lecture has helped me." I sniff, "This is really hard, I wish I could just say a big "Fuck you" to Josh in my heart and just be completely done with him because that's how my brain has felt ever since I said goodbye, but he was such a major and influential person to me. He was my life, and I loved him with everything in me."

"And now that you two aren't together anymore, now that you finally took the plunge and are on your own now, you can give that love to someone who deserves it. You can give yourself to someone who deserves you. Just give it time. He didn't make you, you. He never did. You're a whole person without him, you just need to realize that. On your own."

"I'm trying my best. Thank you again, Pammy. I really, really needed this. You're the best."

"I know. Feel free to call me again anytime, I think I'm gonna try and cook some breakfast now though. So I'll see you again at work on Monday, right?"

"As always," I say as Pam and I say our goodbyes and I put my phone down beside me on the bed.

Once again, what now?

———

Swagger's POV

Parking my car in the drive, I began to mentally prepare myself to go back into our place.

Of the few months I've lived here, actually no, out of the number of years I've known these guys, I've never actually snapped at them when it came down to doing business.

Sure, we would constantly tear each other apart when we were filming, but outside of that, we were completely cool. Not that we still didn't absolutely bash each other, but at the end of the day none of us had ever done it maliciously. There was always that unrequited, "I've got you, no matter how fucking stupid or annoying I make you feel". You know, your average brotherly love.

But I'd never really snapped on one of these dudes for real before. Especially not my manager. Poor Ryan, he didn't deserve for me to take my frustrations out on him. I'm gonna have to start kissing his ass in hopes that he won't want to fire me.

And not see you as a complete prick.

Something so simple that I was struggling quite a lot with today.

After a few more minutes went by, I decided it'd be best to just get it over with and hopped out of my car and began making my way towards the door.

To my surprise though, it opened on its own and Ryan's head popped through the crack, "Hey buddy, I think you and I should talk."

My heart skipped a beat as I realized that this truly might be it.

I mean I kinda skipped out on my job, only to then snap at my manager when he brought it up to me. I probably deserved what was coming to me.

"Yeah, I think so too. I have a few things I'd like to say." I swallowed.

A few things I'd like to say before you send me back home to live with my dad.

————————END OF CHAPTER EIGHT——————

Thanks for reading as always! Sorry that these updates have been so spotty, I've been rather busy and on top of that, I'm celebrating my birthday next week!

So with that, I can't promise updates will be out every few days like they used to be, but I'm trying to work myself into some kind of schedule and do at least two per week!

Till next time, don't forget to vote! See you soon!