Moving On [SwaggerSouls]

/Chapter Eleven/ Get Your Head in the Game Already

"Acceptance is always the first step-" Ryan smiled in response to my confession before I cut him off out of frustration.

"Oh, fuck off."

He laughed, "So, you are going back, right?"

I shrugged, "I mean, I'd love to. It's just I feel as if I'm biting off a little bit more than I can chew with her. On top of that, I gotta stay on top of the podcast as well as my upload schedule. Oh, she thinks I'm a plumber, by the way. She thinks we're all fucking plumbers actually."

Ryan starts cracking up, "Oh Swaggs, I cannot wait to see her face when you bring here and she finds out the truth."

I raised my eyebrows, "Who says she will, what if it doesn't work out?"

"Either way, if she's going to be a major part of your life, she should learn the truth. Preferably sooner than later, you don't wanna dig yourself into an even bigger hole than you already put yourself in." He shrugged as he continued, "But of course, not my call. Just don't let your lie be the downfall of your new relationship, that'd really suck."

I choked on the air as he said the last part, "Whoa, whoa whoa," I waved my hands around in defense, "Relationship? I just fucking met this girl."

"Yeah, and you already have feelings towards her, and just admitted it to me. Stop being a little bitch and think about what could come from that."

I went to protest again out of frustration, "I walked out on her this morning, dude! Who knows if I even still have a chance with her. I was an absolute dick and-"

"And you should probably fix that as soon as possible, as she could have already said 'Fuck you' to you as you walked out on her. Most girls aren't fans of a guy saying that he wants more and then proceeding to walk out the next morning."

"Way to make me feel even more like an asshole," I clipped in response to his bluntness. But I had to give it to him: he wasn't wrong.

Actions speak louder than words, and I'd practically lied straight to her face the evening before.

"It's true though, and you need to acknowledge both your feelings and the mistake you made when it comes down to this girl."

I just sat there and slowly nodded my head as shame started to creep its way into my head.

"Just one more question, Eric. Is Alyssa worth it in your opinion? And think about it before you go to answer."

I sat there, zoning out as I thought about his question. It honestly weighed on me like a brick.

Is she worth it?

"As I said earlier, she makes me feel, and there still really is no other way to put it," I waved my hands around as I tried to convey my point to him, "All this emotion that I feel, I have to do something about it, right? I mean, it can't just mean nothing. Especially not if it's eating away at me so much."

"Okay. But like I asked, is she worth it? Is she going to build you up or bring you down? Every time you two text, is your heart going to be filled with joy or dread? I mean, that answer should be pretty obvious to you for the time being, but think about doing it down the road. You'll probably be talking to her constantly, so you need to contemplate if that's something you'll ultimately end up getting tired of."

He leaned back into his chair and sighed as I tried to take in what he just said, "She'll be a major part of your life if you do eventually end up asking her to be your girlfriend, so you have to make sure she's definitely worth your while. On top of that, you have to make sure she's going to be cool
with you constantly having to be here with us, editing, uploading, doing your job, and most importantly, being a public figure whether she knows it or not yet."

Shit. He's right.

"You're right," I sigh, "Just like you were about everything else you've told me during this conversation."

"I know," He chirped, "So, think about my question, and when you know your answer, you have to act on it as soon as possible. If you really do believe she's worth it, don't let her go." He paused, quizzically looking at the wall behind me, "Again."

I let out a forced laugh, "Yeah. I will. Thank you for all of this. I didn't realize how much I truly needed it. Thank you for being so supportive, patient, and really just interested in me and my well-being. It means so much to me."

He smiled, "Of course. Stay strong, Swagger, I know things are difficult enough for you already, but I have a feeling they're about to get a little harder. But it's nothing you won't be able to handle. Just continue to make the right choices and you'll always come out of it ok."

I got up out of the chair adjacent to him, which he began to do as well and proceeded to pull him into a hug.

"Thank you, really. I'll always have your back as well, man. Don't ever forget that."

He pulled away with a smile on his face, "I won't. That was pretty homo though, dude."

"You ruined the moment, damn it!" I laughed as he just giggled, before continuing his original spiel.

"Also, since you're having girl problems and need to figure out if she's worth it or not, I have a suggestion, if you're willing to deal with it of course."

"Deal with what?" I tipped my head, trying to understand whatever it was he was getting at.

"You could always talk to Bianca or the other girls. But oh god, don't ever talk to all three of them at the same time about your girl problems. Trust me, I've tried and it's not a road you wanna go down." He shook his head frantically as he tried to convey the seriousness of his advice.

"That's not a bad idea actually," I laughed, "But got it, no Bianca, Anna, and Bordie at the same time."

"Great. Now fuck off, unlike you, I have an upload schedule to keep on top of."

I held my hand up in goodbye and smiled as I walked out the door, before looking at him one last time, "Thanks again, man. I owe you for this."

"Yeah. How about you do your fucking job on time for once? That'd be a pretty good reward." He laughed.

"Yeah, in a perfect world. See you soon!"I waved as I shut the door in front of me and proceeded to walk down the hall to see the rest of the boys.

"ERIC!"

Never mind.

I trailed back, opening the door to a clearly pissed off Ryan, "Yes?"

"I told you not to drain my fucking Juul, you fiend."