Who doesn't like oneshots? [ON HOLD]

Before The Battle [Lukesse]

Requested by MarineGallais

Jesse's POV.

I was staring at the clock on the wall, with every second my heart falling deeper and deeper in the bottomless pit inside my soul. There were no tears left, no screams and cries. Just empty space, one that couldn't be filled with fake smiles.

A letter was lying on my lap, written in black ink on an old sheet of paper. And that letter was the very reason my heart was beating so agonisingly slow, this letter was the reason I couldn't find strengh to stand up. It was so heavy that I could barely move, just counting the seconds until I have to act brave again.

Radar... My poor, little Radar. Where are you, are you okay? Are you scared that I might leave you behind? Please, if you can hear me, don't be afraid! I-I'm coming for you, I promise!

The door to my room opened and Lukas walked in. My eyes didn't move an inch from the clock, but I knew it was him. I knew it, because nobody else would've been so cautious and understanding around me. The bed squeaked and I felt my friend sitting down next to me, felt his warm breath on my shoulder. But that didn't help at all. Only reminded of more things I had to lose.

"Hey." Lukas patted my shoulder, barely touching it. "We'll get him back. I promise."

I merely shook my head and allowed my body to fall on Lukas's lap, shaking ever so slightly. The paper fell from my lap and slowly landed on the floor, and with horror I saw those words again, like wounds on a skin.

My eyes shut close and I clenched Lukas's jeans, sobbing into his leg. But not him, not even him could fully banish that terror from inside my body, that frost that was running rampant in my soul. This was an enemy I had to face on my own, with no friends or backup.

Warm hand gently petted my head and I snuggled into it, just hoping that murderous cold would go away. But I knew that it wouldn't, it would never go away unless I faced my destiny. And even then, even after all of this is over, it would remain there, terrorizing me in my dreams and breaking my sanity down.

"I can't do it." These words felt like acid on my tongue, but they were the truth. I knew that this time I wouldn't be able to bend the rules the way I saw fit. This time I wouldn't be able to find another way out of this or talk things out.

"Of course, you can!" Lukas reassured me, but his happiness was so fake that it didn't help at all. In fact, it only made things worse.

Here I was. The greatest hero of all times, crying shamelessly in the clothes of my boyfriend. Where, oh where was the courage I always had? Where was my strengh, my pride, my ability to think positively?! They were all gone, torn to pieces and burned by that single letter.

"Radar will be okay." Lukas spoke kindly, as if I was a frightened baby animal. "He's a strong kid, he can get through it. Don't worry."

These words mercilessly stabbed my already bleeding heart. I was a hero, I was supposed to defend people. This was my job, my destiny, my duty! So why, why on Earth couldn't I just smile bravely and go into the battle, like always. What had changed?!

"I-I know." I whispered, not daring to look up and meet his disappointed gaze. "It's not that..."

Lukas let out a sigh that set my indides on fire. He was feeling pity. But he wasn't supposed to! I wasn't supposed to make people pity me!

"It's fine." He said, smiling. But that smile was worse than tears, for that's what it was hiding. "This is what every human being feels in situation like this. And, Jesse, you're still a human."