Part 2 of "In The Woods When First We Met"

228. Two Very Different Things (Trigger Warning/Rated M)

The subject of this chapter is sex. That's why it has a label. (Things are described in a clinical way, though).

All through the story, Anne conflates rape and sex. It doesn't matter if you're with a guy you loves you, because the actual physical act of sex is the same thing as what happened during the rape. So of course you'll feel used and hurt. 

And it isn't supposed to be that way, but it's difficult to separate the two.

Throughout the story, Anne is frustrated- everyone keeps telling her don't worry, when you're with someone you love, it will be different, really!!!

......But that is so vague. 

So, no longer avoiding the subject, I decided to try to read about it and I found out some specific ways that one is different from the other.

Now Anne is going to understand WHY it won't be the same.

---

Anne looked up at Lydia and said, plainly and without hesitation or embarrassment: "I love him."

Lydia smiled.

"And he loves me. He wants to get married. Not now, I mean. When we're old enough. ...But I don't know."

"Well, there's no reason to rush into anything," Lydia said. "Particularly since you're both still so young."

"Yeah..." Anne trailed off, rubbing her wrist and hoping the scars wouldn't linger.

"I don't know if this is what it feels like when people fall in love and get married. But it must be, because I can't imagine feeling anything stronger than this."

Lydia listened.

"But it's scary, too."

"In what way?" Lydia asked.

"Well..." Anne began hesitantly. This was a subject she had discussed with others, before- Marilla and Emily.

And as well-intentioned as they were, they had not been able to help her.

But perhaps with Lydia...

Finally Anne continued, "The thing is, I really do love him. But I can't...he told me...he told me that he didn't care if we ever..."

"Is this about intimacy in marriage, Anne?" Lydia asked gently. "It's all right, you needn't be afraid to ask."

"I noticed your wedding ring," Anne said slowly, looking at the gold band on Lydia's finger. "And since you've been through what I've been through..." Anne took a big breath. "I told Gilbert we shouldn't get married because of it. Because I can't do...that...with him. I just can't."

"What did he say?" Lydia wanted to know.

"...He said we can be married without doing that."

"Well...I suppose it's nice that he wants to put your feelings before his own."

"Yeah," Anne said glumly. "He always puts my feelings before his own. ...I just wish that I could put his feelings before my own...but I can't." She sounded hopeless, then she looked over at Lydia and asked: "How long have you been married?"

"This June will be our second anniversary," she said with a warmth in her smile that let Anne know she had found true happiness.

"Do you...I mean, you're married..."

Lydia answered by putting her hand on her stomach and saying, "We're expecting a little one now. ...I know it's a bit early to tell."

Anne hadn't noticed, the lady only appeared slightly bigger around the middle.