Dear diary,
Well I never thought nail polish would actually help me stop cutting. But I got really depressed and started thinking no one could ever care about me. And no one ever really love me. I got really suicidal and kept thinking about cutting a lot then slitting my throat and like I was getting thought. I just wanted to cry my eyes out and die. Only one person knew I was this upset and they couldn't help at all. I honestly had to do everything I could to not cry. But u know when I honestly just couldn't take it I started just drawing on my thighs with nail polish because you know its one of my coping skills and it really works. I'm honestly happier now because not only did I not cut I actually coped. My thighs and stomach are covered in nail polish but eh who cares I'm happy.
Oh and gosh today with Jack was amazing I got to hold his hand a little and tease him and lay on him and it just made me so happy. It really hurts when people say me and him should date though because I want us to be but I know we can't. I hope that gets better. I honestly love him and I hope me and him can have fun after fencing practice tomorrow. It'd be amazing... Anyway for now I guess I'm happy.
-Allie
