Dear diary,
My opinion on love. Love is not fragile. Even if you are fragile if the love is true it will last. True love knows no bounds true love is very hard to find. When love first begins you don't really know if it is true. If it lasts through the good and the bad stays through the bad. Comes back even when you have been separated for a long time. True love will last through anything. True love is hating hurting the one you love. It's being willing to do anything for them. It's trying to be there for them whenever they need you. It's finding love in the persons flaws. It's excepting and loving the other for who they are. It's when the others person presence makes you smile. It's where their smile brightens your whole day. It's where any affection from them warms your heart. It's where just hearing I love you from them can make your whole day. It's where when they hate you you hate you and will do anything to have them forgive you. True love is where the other person means everything to you and you will do anything not to lose them. True love is the best feeling in the world. The problem is it is often noticed the love is true as the other is walking away.
My opinion on suicide. It's my only option. It's the only thing that will stop the emotional pain I'm constantly in. It's the only thing that will end the worrying. It's the only thing that will keep me from getting hurt by others. It's the only thing that will keep me from feeling horrible because everyone seems to be pissed at me. Suicide is the only way I can stop screwing up everything. Suicide is the only way I know how to help myself. Suicide is always on my mind. Suicide is probably the only way I know how to fix myself permanently. Suicide is my only way left to go.
My opinion on Jack. I think if I know anything about love I love Jack. He's sweet. He's funny. He's cute. He has amazing hair. He has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. He's really attractive. He looks so much more serious in his fencing equipment. He's caring. He's a flirt sometimes. He's easy to make hard. He loves to tease me. He has an adorable smile. He's scary when he raises his voice. He hates questions. He's easily frustrated with me. He's a good kid usually. He gets hurt more than anyone deserves to. He's quite. He thinks a lot. He's trustworthy. He has anxiety. He's trusting sometimes. He's weird he's pretty damn amazing though.
My opinion on me and Jack. Jack doesn't seem happy around me. He thinks I think he hates me. I'm pretty sure he's mad at me right now. All the questions I have a tendency to ask annoy him. I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me. I'm not sure... I don't know. I care too much about this. I know Jack does at least care if I'm okay. It hurts that he doesn't even ever ask me not to kill myself. But I know it's just a really sensitive subject for him. Jack thinks he's bad for me. I don't know what me and him honestly have. I don't know whether it's true love, just liking each other, puppy love, our anything else. All I know is I honestly hope I don't lose it...
-Allie
