Dear diary,
So I have another friend begging me asking if they can cut. It honestly really hurts that they want to and that they did it before just to keep me from killing myself it honestly makes me want to cry. I am trying my hardest to stay clean and it sucks. I haven't cut in a few days though so I guess that's good. I barely ate any dinner though. My mom's kinda suspicious but I really wasn't hungry. I have another therapy session on Wednesday hopefully my mom won't mention it. Is it good writing this and actually having someone know how I truly feel helps me a lot. I guess maybe recovery is possible. Right now recovery seems amazing.
Ok so I hate those moments where you really really want to hug someone but you can't. That happened so many times with Jack today. It sucked a lot. I even wanted to kiss him a few times and I couldn't. Oh and laying my head on his stomach today when I looked up in his eyes I honestly felt like everything was perfect. You know how people say when you look into the eyes of the one you love nothing else matters. Well that is kinda what happened for me. I doubt the same happens to him... Oh and it's weird one of the littlest things he did today was what made my day most. We were parting ways and he said love you and like hearing that honestly made my day. Oh and ughhhhhh I keep having to stop myself from asking him if we can just say fuck it and date because we already kinda act like it, but ik he will say no and we probably aren't even supposed to be kinda acting like it. I've also kinda thought about asking for his jacket the past few days but I know he will say no so I've kept myself from asking. It kinda hurts my heart but I understand why he has to do it. I guess not being able to do some stuff is worth the little can do. I honestly wish it was more but I know it can't be for now and I guess I will have to live with that.
'. -Allie
