Dear diary,
Have you ever spent hours sitting planning your death letting the thought rule your mind. I feel like maybe if I end it people will be better off. Maybe my pain will finally stop. Maybe my heart will stop feeling like it's on a roller coaster ride. I know death is inevitable so why not make it now. Honestly why I won't is a fear of pain and a fear of failure. I know it's sad that I don't wanna live for people anymore but honestly they would be better off. I mean I'm a depressed cutting mess with no self esteem that starves herself. Why would anyone want that. I guess some days I want someone to kiss every one of my scars and tell me days will get better. I want someone to show me I matter. To show me they honestly care. I'm the type of person is so miserable that if you care about me you have to say it and show it a lot. I know that seems stupid but that's the way I am. But honestly I wish Jack would kiss my wrist tomorrow and say things will get better. To say days will get better. I know it won't happen but still there will always be the wish in my heart. Anyway I'm about to get off the bus so bye...
-Allie
