used | JJK

Chapter 1

‘I'll make sure that you feel loved.'

You snorted loudly earning an unpleasant look from the old lady seated next to you.

All he did was make you feel used, like all those assholes did back in high school.

You closed your eyes and leaned back on your seat and started thinking…..

******

For the next couple of weeks after meeting your sister, you knew things were getting awkward. Now it's not like he avoided you and just went MIA or anything. It was the little things. Like how he couldn't make eye contact with you for more than 30 seconds. Like how his laughs got shorter. Like how he would ask you to get straight to the point when you called him.

Small and slow changes. But you were smart enough to observe all these small changes because you knew. You knew how good people were at getting what they want. When they want something they become blinded by desire of what could be. It doesn't matter to them what others feel. As long as others are not physically hurt, it's okay because any other kind of injury is just something that you can get over. That is what they think.

Then one day when you came home to find both of them in each other's embrace, you didn't know what to do. You wanted to pretend you didn't see anything. You wanted things to be normal. You could feel the warmth of the embrace they shared. A kind of warmth that made all the worries of those who shared it melt away. A kind of embrace that only gave you worries. You could never create that kind of a warmth with Jackson. It was so much more better if you had found them in your bed because atleast then you could tell that their relationship was all about lust.

“What are you two doing?” You were too afraid to spoil their ‘little moment’. But you wanted somebody to tell you you were wrong. That it was some kind of a prank or atleast any kind of a believable lie would have been enough for you.

They were startled.

“Y/N-ah…….” Jackson trailed off looking at the floor where your sister was looking already. He didn't even have anything to say. His eyes that you were pretty familiar with, showed guilt. You didn't want that emotion. You wanted answers, explanation, something other than guilt because guilt showed that he did you wrong.

You wanted to give an influential speech which touched their hearts and made them regret every action they took in their lives. But since you weren't that good with words you said those two golden words which could elicit a thousand emotions.

You said,“Fuck off” and walked out of there.

***
One thing you were thankful about Jackson cheating was that he chose the right time.
It happened on the first day of your two week break from university after midterm exams.

You didn't have to see Jackson who was in the same major as you or deal with gossip mouths that were interested in your relationship more than Jackson ever would be.

Even though Jackson could have been your potential husband in the future, you weren't the type that needed boxes of tissues to get over him. You were the type to get over it with boxes of ice cream, revenge themed k-dramas, and female empowerment songs.

But even after trying out all the different flavours of ice that the local convenience store had to offer, watching so many k-dramas that you didn't even remember the main characters of it anymore, and listening to Sunmi's ‘Gashina’ for about 79 times, you still couldn't get over Jackson.

He constantly kept visiting you… or to put it in right terms visiting your door. You could hear his sniffles, cries, and sorrys. But you didn't have the courage to open your door. He knew what your insecurities were and he did exactly what you had feared. Were you that insignificant to him that he didn't even think about you?

Anyways his visits stopped after a couple of days. Did you mean only that much to him? You were frustrated because you didn't understand yourself. You didn't want him to come but you wanted him to come. You were so conflicted. So scared about the fact that he would never come back again. So you did the best thing and decided to take a break from Seoul.

Now this is the part where the female lead in fanfics goes to America to study. ‘A trip to America sounds nice’ you thought.

So you booked a train ticket to Busan, your hometown, because who are you fooling , you don't even have money to go to America by boat.

******

.…… so this is how you ended up in a train to Busan in the hope of forgetting what nightmares Seoul offered to you.

Your parents were happy to see their younger daughter after 9 months. You missed the simple life Busan offered. You breathed in the fresh air. You felt like something was lifted off your chest.

*****

“Eomma” you called out to your mother.

“Hmm” She was unpacking my bag while you sat on the bed.

“Eomma” you called out more loudly forcing her to look up at you while continuing what she was doing.

“Yes, baby tell me.” She said sweetly.

“Can I go to America?” You wanted to sound confident but failed miserably.

You didn't exactly know when the sock, which was in your mother's hands a few seconds ago ended up on your face but you sure did know why.

“You stupid girl, you think your appa is some kind of money machine? You think we are living that kind of life where we can afford to send you abroad? Your dad is already on the verge of losing his job. We sent you to Seoul with such great difficulty. If you want to go, why don't you sell your kidney and get the money? Don't think that we will give you money. You should see Ahn family's daughter. She is only one year older than you but she supports her family already.”

“Okay fine, I'll just stay here and start looking for jobs then.” You suggested.

You got the other sock on your face too. Great now you had a pair.

“Has Seoul air spoiled your brain cells? What non-sense are you talking about? You think your appa and I sent you to Seoul to study so that you can come back here and work your lazy ass for petty jobs.” She paused and her eyes widened. “Did you cause some trouble there? Is that why you don't want to go back? You definitely caused some trouble, didn't you?”

“What?! No ofc-”, you started out but was cut short.

“Oh God, what am I going to do with this girl? You have come to destroy our family name. What will our neighbours say? We had to already deal with your sister once now, you too want to bring shame upon us..………”

……Nearly 30 'miserable minutes of lecture' later

“Fine, fine I'll go back to Seoul and never leave there, just be quiet.”

“Huh? Is that a way to talk to your mother. Seoul air has definitely spoiled your brain cells. I don't kno-…..”

You sighed and mentally and physically prepared yourself for another 30 minute lecture.

******

After a couple of days your mother repackaged you to Seoul(much against your will).

All the way on your trip back, you kept promising yourself not to be used again. Not to be some kind of accessory people could use.

You know you've said all this before but this time it was really different.