Avengers One-shots | CRACK-FIC | MARVEL AU ✔

WHY IS THERE A DEAD MAN IN MY ROOM?!

{A/N} Yes, you read the title right, scary shit is about to go down ◥(ฅº▼ºฅ)◤

Peter POV

Sleeping in on weekends are the best hobbies in the world. I am so happy that Clint went patrolling instead of me, I don't know what I could do with my family. I just really need to rest right now since I went patrolling last night really late.

I just soothe my mind, stretch my limbs, close my eyes, and drift off to a peaceful slumber (which I really need). When you see me right now, I look like the calmest person in the world. But inside my head...

"BLOW UP ALL THE BUILDINGS!"

"SEND DOWN THE BOMBS!"

"IT'S THE AWAKENING OF THE PURGE!"

"KILL THEM ALL!"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"BURN THEM ALL ALIVE!"

"CRUCIO!"

"KILL THEM IN COLD BLOOD!"

"REDUCTO!"

"STAB! STABETY! STAB!"

I've been watching too many war films...

Boom!

Crash!

Crackle!

Blast!

Bang!

Buildings falling!

Cars crashing!

Fire cackling!

Bombs exploding!

Window smashing!

Wait, that window smashing sounded too real. I wake up from my beautiful dream and look at my window.

IT'S ALL SMASHED!

I turn my head away from the window to look at the floor beneath me to find...

A DEAD BODY!

"WHY IS THERE A DEAD BODY IN MY ROOM?!"

I grab a kitchen knife from underneath my pillow (yes, that's normal) and I walk cautiously towards the corpse. Damn, this dude some type of a bodybuilder. Why is the dude wearing a blue body-spandex? I don't even know if this dude is a dude!

He's got such a long, red cape; why does this dude wear his red shorts outside his clothes. 

Wait.

He must have flown in or something, a red cape, blue body-spandex, muscles, perfectly gelled hair. No, it can't be. I turn him over, knife still pointing at him. Oh my golly god (since most of the users found it hilarious when I used the phrase for the first time) THAT'S SUPERMAN!

I whisper, "Friday, can you alert the Avengers that Superman is in my room," I noticed a green, glowing shard that had gone through his body, "And is very injured from the kryptonite."

"Okay Peter, I will inform the others."

I drop my knife and touch his chest. The kryptonite shard sticking through it, I wince at the pain I am feeling even through watching this. He moves slightly.

"Huh, what?" Before I could speak, he immediately sits up and stares at me. "Shhh, I'm not going to shove more kryptonite up your ass, so shut up or let me tackle you to the ground." He chuckled slightly and I gave him a glare.

"As if you-" He was stopped by a web to his mouth, yeah, I just shut Superman up. His eyes turn wide and I just smirked. The door burst open with the Avengers and they just stared wide-eyed at me, then Superman, then me again.

"Eh, superheroes can't say hello to each other by crashing into their window?" Everyone chuckled, and Superman just ripped the webs off his mouth and winced. Oh right, the kryptonite. Wait, that rhymed!

Anyway, I inform Uncle Bruce and dad about the kryptonite in his chest and the Avengers help Superman into the infirmary. "There's an attack next to Time Square, the monster, he stabbed kryptonite in me." The remaining Avengers nodded and got ready for battle while Uncle Bruce and some other doctors worked on Superman.

I got suited up in my Spider-Man costume, ready for yet another mission.