Avengers One-shots | CRACK-FIC | MARVEL AU ✔

But I'm Peter!

{A/N} This one-shot was suggested by Dr-Facilier and if you want to make a suggestion, go to the previous chapter and comment one!

Peter Parker's POV

I should have stayed on the school bus. Now, I'm trapped on this random space ship because I webbed that wizard. Wait a minute, I can hear Mr Stark! I climb the walls of the ship and find him with a moving cloak. Dude, that's awesome! I jump down from the ceiling and see the shock on his face, so I reacted quickly.

"What the-" His eyes widened in shock at me and his face slightly drained its colour. I put my hands out and stuttered, "I know what you're gonna say." I tried to reassure him but he gave me a very stern look. "You should not be here," He said, pointing at me while furrowing his brows. "I was gonna go home-" But Mr Stark interrupted me with an, "I don't wanna hear it."

I could see the red cloak looking between us while we negotiated. I began to speak again, "But it was such a long way down, and I just thought about this suit-" Mr Stark interrupted me with an exasperated sigh and said a, "Now I've got to hear it." I ignored him and kept on rambling, "And this suit is, ridiculously intuited by the way," Mr Stark just rolled his eyes at me, and I felt a pang of sadness in my chest, but I chose to ignore it.

"So if anything, it's kind of your fault that I'm here," Mr Stark whipped his head around to glare at me and the awesome cloak somehow did too. My eyes widened in the realisation of what I had just said. My hands flew up to my mouth and Mr Stark pointed at me, "What did you just say?" He questioned, his glare not leaving his face. 

"I-I take that back," I mumbled apologetically. "A-And now I'm here in space," I mumbled again, my cheeks furiously blushing with embarrassment. "Yes, right where I didn't want you to be," Mr Stark continued, walking closer and closer to me, his face still holding that glare. He continued, his voice turning into a whisper, "This isn't some kind of a field trip. This is a one-way ticket."

"You hear me?" He looked at me and my heart stopped while my breath hitched. "Don't pretend you thought this through," I tried to interrupt him with an, "I did think this through," But he kept on denying it anyway. I raised my voice at him which startled him slightly, but he still started to argue back. I sighed, "Look, you can't be a ' friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man' if there's no neighbourhood!" I said, exasperated.

We stare at each other for an awkward, 10 seconds or so, then I forced out an, "Okay, that really didn't make sense," While I blushed furiously at the use of those words, "But you know what I'm trying to say," I explained, with my best pleading look I could do. I should add in some puppy-eyes in that look too.

He inhaled sharply before sighing, "Okay kid, but we've got a situation." I let out a long breath that I didn't know that I was holding and followed him. The three of us (Me, Mr Stark and weird-as- but-awesome-in-a-weird-way cape) looked down and saw that wizard from earlier, but here, he was in a tingle, pringle, flippity, floppity, pickle.

"Have you ever seen that really old movie, ' Aliens'?" I asked Mr Stark.

(づ◔ ͜ʖ◔)づ <Insert montage of beating Squidward's ass>

I started to feel a tingle in the back of my head; uh oh, something was coming. I lower myself with my webs so the wizard and Mr Stark can see and hear me. "If any aliens, uh, wind up and plant any eggs in my chest and I eat one of you, I'm sorry-" Mr Stark interrupted me and pointed at my face. He began to lecture me... again. "I do not want another, single pop-culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?" He said in a stern voice.

"I-I'm just trying to say that something's coming," I said, with an awkward laugh at the end. Then we were all blasted into walls. I could hear explosions, screams, yells, blasts, zaps. Then I felt myself being picked up, held by the neck with a space gun to my head. "W-What?" I mumbled, my head throbbing from the hit, I think my head was bleeding or something.

"Everybody stay where you are! Chill the F out!" The man holding me shouted, he took his mask off and pointed the gun to my head. "H-Hey man, I-I don't want any t-trouble," I stuttered, cowering in his arms. He furrowed his eyebrows at me, "You're just a kid," He said, letting go of me, but still pointing the gun at me.

"H-Hey dude, I-I really don't want to get hit by that, wait, is that the new Nerf gun, N-Strike Elite Rapidstrike CS-18 Blaster from Walmart?!" I said as I ran up to him to examine the gun in his hands. "What? No!" The man shouted, snatching the gun out of my grasp. "Peter!" Mr Stark shouted. The man and I said, "What?" Somehow in unison.

We turn to stare at each other. "I'm Peter," He glared at me, but I narrowed my eyes at him. "No, I'm Peter!" I shouted back. "I'm Peter P!" I shouted again at his face. He furrowed his eyebrows at me, "Well, I'm Peter Q!" I clutched my hands and stared at the man, straight at his face. "Are you mocking me?" We both said at the same time, then sighed in frustration.

"Maybe you guys have the same name but different surnames?" The wizard said. We both sighed and called it a truce. "I'm the more handsome Peter though," I said with a smirk. He whipped his head around to glare at me and we began to argue.

This was going to be a long day.