#MT27
I didn't receive any reply from him all day. My heart is wrenching, I don't know what to do with us if he'll stay like that. Narealize ko na may mali rin ako, I shouldn't have let my emotions get through me just because he's in a bad mood. I should not just decide for our relationship. I mean, I don't even know what might be his issues. Kung malalim man o mababaw, hindi naman kami magkapareho ng pakiramdam.
Masiyahin si Horace at ngayon ko lang siya naramdamang kakaiba sa paligid, he looked paranoid or something I couldn't clearly tell because it's hidden within his true feelings. I'm worried but he's making me feel like I'm out of everything. Sinasarili niya ang mga bagay na puwede namang ibahagi kahit paano. I can be his listener! Nakakasama lang ng loob na parang wala lang ako sa kanya pagdating sa ganitong problema.
My pride didn't let me move, I just stayed up all day watching movies. Panay ang check ko sa cellphone kung mayroon siyang text o missed call pero dismayado lang ako. Naisip niya ba na instead cool off ay break na lang nang tuluyan? Huwag naman sana... pero anong gagawin ko kung ganoon nga talaga ang mangyari? Let go and move on? Maybe.
I called Carly for some advise, I just wanted to hear something can ease my pain inside a relationship from a friend with long term boyfriend.
"Did he tell you anything? Kahit clue lang?"
"Ang weird niya, Carly. Sabi niya sa akin, kapatid niya ang parang kontrabida pero iba naman ang nakita ko noong nag-uusap sila. Parang mas kontrabida siya. I mean, his brother isn't doing anything bad! May karapatan din naman iyong pumunta o makituloy sa bahay nila, 'di ba?"
"Baka magkagalit lang talaga sila at napuno na si Horace kaya ganoon magreact noong dumating ang kapatid. May ganyan naman talaga, Lovi. Hindi natin alam, malay mo may mabigat silang alitan. Sabi mo nga, his Dad cheated on them and he just knew his brother last year? Mahirap mag adjust sa ganoon, mabigat ang issue pag pamilya ang usapan."
Suminghap ako at dumapa sa kama, pinasadahan ko ng mga daliri ang buhok dahil sa frustration.
"Nakakainis lang kasi na dinadamay niya ako. Kung galit pala siya sa kanila, hindi namang kailangang pati ako makisali sa alitan nila. He's a fuckin' jerk! Hindi pa rin siya nagrereply hanggang ngayon! I told him that we're taking a cool off and he doesn't care? Seriously? Wala man lang sorry dahil ganoon ang asal niya?"
My eyes started heating up, naiiyak ako dahil sa sama ng loob. I know that I shouldn't let my emotions drag me down but I can't help it, nakakainis kasi siya. Parang bigla na lang niya akong hindi girlfriend, e! Sumisiksik pa sa isip ko iyong, "nothing's special at all" niya sa harapan ng kanyang pamilya! Sinong hindi masasaktan? Oo, alam kong walang espesyal doon pero bakit sa harapan pa ng pamilya niya ibo-broadcast iyon? I was offended. For some reason, I could certainly tell that we didn't really meet in a special way but it's my pride talking that I shouldn't be treated like that! I shouldn't be introduced like that!
Nothing's special, huh.
"Bigyan mo muna siya ng oras." Natatawang sinabi ni Carly.
Huminga ako nang malalim at napatango na lamang.
"Should I text him?"
"Goodnight? Siyempre! Alam mo kasi, Lovi, hindi pride ang pinapairal sa isang relasyon. Mahirap talaga kapag naunahan ng pride, nangangain 'yan ng lahat. Once we let pride take over us, decisions are also affected. It could be good or bad, madalas bad kaya hindi dapat 'yan ini-spoiled masyado sa katawan. Tingnan mo, cool off agad desisyon mo dahil feeling mo masyado kang binabalewala?" she sighed. "Hindi ba puwedeng may problema lang talaga siya at kailangan ng oras? Ang ending sumabay ka pa sa sama ng loob at problema ng boyfriend mo! 'Tsaka napaka immature naman ng ganyang desisyon!"
