Bechloe - One For My Baby

Chapter XXXV

I don't even know where to begin... Last night. Oh my God... Last night was incredible. It was fantastic. Amazing. Miraculous. Out of this world. It was the best night of my life. For the very first time, I slept with Beca. No, I didn't sleep next to her - I had sex with her. But it wasn't just sex. We made love and it was amazing. Beca was so gentle with me. She took care of me in ways I never thought possible. It started off slow where we got to know each other's bodies and that in itself was beautiful. She wasn't rough in the slightest. She was so gentle and caring. I saw a side of Beca that I have never seen before and I loved her so much. It was more beautiful than I thought it'd be. Sex with Beca was so different. She was so perfect in every way. I watched her and followed everything she did. I saw her as both a girl and a woman. She was gorgeous. She was delicate. She was soft. She was energetic without being violent. She was willing to have sex with me and give herself to me just like I gave myself to her. She trusted me. She trusted me with her most personal and valuable asset and it made me feel amazing. It still makes me feel amazing. We cared for each other and I never wanted the moment to end.

Beca is simply the most beautiful human being I have ever seen in my entire life. She has the body of a goddess. She is perfect in every single way and as soon as I saw her naked, it only reinforced just how gay I am. Girls are so beautiful and I really can't understand why anybody would think otherwise. Beca is the most amazing person in my life and I'd hate to think where I'd be without her. I'm so glad we did it last night. I knew I was taking a risk coming onto her like I did but you've got to take risks in life and that was the best risk I ever took. I've heard things about sex and how amazing it is. Whenever I was with daddy, he grunted a lot and yelled at the end. I never properly understood but last night changed that for me. I have never felt such a euphoric feeling in my life. I never thought I could feel something so damn good. I never wanted that feeling to end. I wanted to live in it forever with Beca and only Beca.

When I thought things couldn't get any better, afterwards we cuddled and fell asleep in each other's arms. That was really special to me. I felt so safe, more than I usually do in Beca's arms. We gave each other a piece of ourselves and when it was over, we held each other. It was like we were thanking each other without words. When we were done we made sure that we were okay and had a bit of a giggle. I told her I loved her so much and she said the same, which felt amazing. I felt quite vulnerable after Beca and I made love but as soon as she checked if I was okay and held me in her arms, that feeling went away instantly and I felt so wanted, loved, and worthy - I felt amazing. I felt like I wasn't just some toy. I felt like an actual human being. I felt like a woman.

I was both nervous and excited about having sex with Beca last night. I wanted to give all of me to her but I was scared that she was going to reject me or something like that. But thankfully, she didn't. I thought she was grossed out by me when I came onto her and for a moment, I thought I came on too strong but she was just concerned about me and a little scared about having sex for the first time, which was super cute. Beca projects such a strong and confident persona but last night she was the complete opposite and it was absolutely adorable. She was just as nervous as me, perhaps more. Either way, I loved it and I love her. I've never felt so good before in my life. I never thought that I'd escape daddy and feel real love but now I do. I'm so in love with Beca. She's been there for me and she wants to continue being there for me. I trusted her whenever she said that and I believed her but after last night, I know one-hundred per cent without a shadow of a doubt that she'll stay by my side.

I always thought sex was rough and painful. Whenever I was with daddy, it was always rough and painful. The things he'd do to me... It still hurts to think about it and I think it always will. I was a little scared of sex, to be honest. I thought it was all the same no matter what but a small part of me thought that it'd be different with girls. Every girl I've met has been so kind and sweet and I think that's one of the reasons why I'm attracted to them. Every time I see a man I think of daddy, except Mark and Jesse. Those two are the only two guys I trust but everyone else I have an issue with. I don't want to be like that but I can't help it. I just feel safer with girls and women. They've never hurt me and I don't think they ever will.