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It wasn't the first time you had noticed it. Mat didn't do a very good job of hiding it. His ex was part of your mutual friend group so you saw her often at gatherings and parties. You had actually talked to her several times before and you got why everyone loved her so much. You watched as his eyes followed her around the room as she moved to talk to other people. You doubted Mat even noticed that you had slinked back to the corner of the room. It was something he always did despite how many times you asked him not to.
It was over a year since they had mutually broken up and eight months since you had first started dating Mat. It was hard at first, knowing that he was still in love with his ex, but you had thought after a month or two that he had gotten over it and had completely moved on. It was at times like this when you began to rethink everything. You wanted to be with Mat, but not like this, not when he was still chasing after his ex. You wanted to be anywhere other than the end of season get together. You wanted to be somewhere where you didn't have to watch Mat push through a crowd to follow her into the kitchen. You wanted to be somewhere where you knew that you would leave with everything you came with. You just wanted to be wanted the same way Mat wanted his ex.
You waited a few minutes before heading for the kitchen. You wanted to know what he was saying, what they were doing. When you got to the kitchen Mat was nowhere to be found, so you turned to Tito, who was getting another beer. "Hey, Anthony, where's Mat?" He swallowed hard as a look of uncomfortableness crossed his face.
"Uh, I don't know," he replied nervously rubbing the back of his neck.
"Just tell me, please," You didn't have it in you to fight with him and if he couldn't the desperation in your eyes he was fooling himself.
He sighed and pointed over to the balcony. "He's out there, you just didn't hear it from me." Anthony gave you a sad look before exiting the kitchen, two beers in hand.
You walked over to the sliding glass door and pulled back the curtain. Mat had his arm wrapped around his ex, keeping her flush against his chest as she kissed him deeply. You felt your chest tighten up and the bottle of beer slip from your hand. It shattered on the tile causing everyone including Mat to look at you. He had a guilty look on his face as he met your eyes. You felt the tears well up in your eyes. You didn't want anyone to see you break so you turned around and headed for the door with your head down. You heard Mat calling after you as you quickly pushed your way through the crowd. You threw open the front door and closed it behind you trying to slow Mat down. You headed over to the stairwell and made your way down to the lobby, skipping a step each time. It was only three flights so it was pretty quick. You were thankful that Devon didn't live on the twentieth some odd floor so that you could make you escape as easy as possible.
When you got outside you ran over to the edge of the sidewalk and hailed a cab. Luckily it was a relatively quiet night considering it was almost two in the morning. You got in the cab and closed the door quickly and gave the driver the address for your apartment building. As he entered the information you saw Mat push through the front doors. He looked around trying to spot you and when he finally did your cab was already pulling away. You watched his helpless expression until you couldn't see him anymore.
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You had ignored the pounding on your door and the pleas from Mat to let him in so you could talk about everything, but you didn't want to, not yet anyway. His knocking finally subsided after 45 minutes and you could finally cry yourself to sleep in peace.
When you woke up the next morning around nine you got up and took a hot shower to help ease your sore muscles from sleeping in an awkward position all night. It couldn't help erase the vision of Mat kissing his ex every time you closed your eyes though. You stood under the stream until it ran cold before getting out and putting on fresh clothes. You wanted to wallow in your room with ice cream and sappy romance movies, but you needed to go downstairs and get your mail first. You opened your door and Mat fell through your doorway, looking up and you with a shocked expression. He must've fallen asleep leaning against your door last night. He quickly scrambled to his feet, "Baby," he started took a step inside your apartment.
"No, Mat, don't 'Baby' me," You took a step back to create more space between the two of you. "Do you know how stupid I feel for being in love with a guy who is still in love with his ex?" Mat tried to say something, but you just kept going. "Don't even try to tell me that you don't love her, I see the way you look at her when you think I'm not looking. You never look at me that way," Despite how hard you tried to keep the tears at bay, you couldn't. You could tell Mat wanted to wipe them away, but he knew it would only do more harm than good, so he tucked his hands into his pockets.
"I did love her, you're right, but not anymore. I loved her until the moment I saw your face last night," This time when he took a step towards you, you didn't back away. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just being selfish. When I saw you walk away that's when I finally realized I had everything I wanted in you, but it's too late I fucked everything up," Now you weren't the only one crying. "I want another chance to prove that you're the only one I love. I know I don't deserve it but please, baby, think about it." Mat took your hand in his and rubbed his thumb over your knuckles, probably to console himself more so than you.
You didn't know what you wanted, you were hurt and confused and tired. Your heart wanted to believe him, but your head not so much. "I need time, Mat, I need time to think about everything."
He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Take your time, I'll be waiting, I love you." Your hand slipped out from his as he opened the door and walked out, looking at you one last time before closing it.
