Our Hearts and Other High Notes

Track 4: If I can't Have You

"Day after day, the echoes of losing her resonate in my bones. Why is the hardest and the right thing the same?"
Dedication: winterjoo

Chapter's song: If I can't have you- Shawn Mendes

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Kim Taehyung's P.O.V:

"We're gathered here today to celebrate the business collaboration we just signed between our respective companies. As a CEO of our company, I have a great belief that this deal will help our clothing brand reach the American market and consequently increase our revenue-"

I groaned and loosened my tie, already bored out of my mind at this never-ending meeting. My brother spoke with such confidence radiating from him and his eyes were sparkling with excitement. He had this huge passion for the business that made our mom always proud of him. This week was hectic, full of meetings and negotiations for the deal. He's been working hard to get this deal signed with the Korean American clothing company for months. I knew I already missed my first day at school but I'm sure my mother already took care of that.

My brother continues waving his hands confidently and explaining the details of the project while others are listening attentively and nodding their heads in agreement. He cares about the people surrounding him and always makes part from his hectic schedule to ask about me and became a huger part of my life ever since my father died.

That was when my whole life changed, it was like a piece of me died along with him. When I was little he used to take me every weekend to musicals with my brother and was always fascinated by the theatrical and opera performances and the flow of music throughout the hall. It was then that I realized that I wanna be on stage performing in front of millions and be able to express my complex feelings through singing.

I still remember my fifteen's birthday, when I woke up and saw a huge wrapped gift with a note that said,

My dear son,

I always admired the way your eyes light up

When you watch a musical

As the cool dad, I am, I bought you this special gift

Always chase your dreams

I still remember how happy I was as I quickly unwrapped the gift and found a black electric guitar inside with my dad's signature at the very bottom. And from that day on, I practiced every day so I could make him proud. It made me happy every time I mastered a new song and saw the sparkle in his eyes as he clapped. I once heard my mom blaming dad for bringing me that guitar complaining that he's spoiling me with such a thing and distracting me from other important stuff. I always hated the idea of having to spend my whole life behind an office desk, signing contracts and keeping a serious face on.

I took a sip of my drink and looked around seeing Chinese businessmen discussing plans with my brother. I couldn't wait for this whole show of fake smiles and handshakes to be over so I could head back to the comfort of my bed and play my guitar.

I didn't wanna be here in the first place.
Did my mother have to make me do this?
It's like the fight we had stills plays at the back of my mind.

"When are you gonna wake up of this stupid dream of yours and realize that music is not everything?! You're brother and I've been working our asses off to keep this company on its feet after your dad died! And you come and tell me you want to become a singer and throw your responsibilities like that" My mother shouted angrily and clicked her fingers standing in front of her office desk at our company