A Collection of Imagines

John

Long time no see

I once despised this place. I hated walking through the halls towards this god forsaken gym. I loathed getting ready for gym class and pretending I had PMS to get out of basketball. Now, it's a memory I smile upon. I walk through the double doors into the large gym, spotting familiar faces left and right. It smells like old latex and stale cookies throughout the vast room. It makes my stomach curl and I want to slip out of the arm that's holding mine. He looks down at me with a smile that I find to be oblivious to the emotions I'm feeling now. He, apart from me, was royalty to this place and he has just came back to the mother ship. God, I need a smoke.

I sit on one of the tables that were placed in a patterned manner throughout the room. The woman next to me that I no longer know takes another gulp of her cosmopolitan. She babbles on about the place settings and how on earth they would pick something as atrocious as petunias for a center placement. The sentence made a whole wave of cringe go down my spine once again. I need some air. I stand abruptly and she flashes me a confused look. I walk towards the back entrance and open the door. Peace finally.

I finally meander through the various bodies that try to stop me to say hello, but I pretend I don't hear them. I push the door open and find someone out there as well. I sigh to myself and turn to walk back, but I recognize him. The back of his head looks familiar. I remember staring at it during statistics. Every now and then, it will turn and show me its face. I hope it's still as fine and sweet as it was before. I walk forward to him, watching as his body rotated as I went. He's staring out at the landscape in front of him. Something I came out here to do. Even now, our minds still think alike. "John?"

I turn around slowly, expecting to see my wife. But as I make eye contact with an old friend, my world brightens. I take a step back, like I've seen a ghost. She has no idea, but every single day that I have seen her, she's brought that light with her. "Oh my god. Long time no see."

He steps forward and opens his arms. I fit underneath them, just like I used to. "Long time no see." My hands clasp around his back and I'm consumed once again. I feel like I'm back in sophomore year where he found me crying in the women's bathroom because of my stupid boyfriend who's now my husband. He was so caring and comforting. I love every second I spent with him. Even when he told me how he felt. And when I pushed him away. I'm the first to pull away. "How have you been?"

She lets go of me and I don't mind, just as long as she doesn't run off too quickly. "Um ... all right, I guess I mean it could be better. Everything could be better, but that's what everyone wants, right?" She looks at me, like she can see right through me. I cover it with a smile and a slight chuckle.

He's hurting. I can tell. "Yeah, I totally get that." I look out to the field in front of us. More memories flood through my mind. Those were the same bleachers where we ate our lunches at. Mostly, just the two of us. Others would join every once in a while, but it was really just us. Us against the world. Until I fucked that up. "Are you here with anyone?" The second the question came out of my mouth, I immediately wanted to take it back.

"Yeah, my ... wife's inside probably with another cosmo in her hand." I chuckle under my breath again. I hope she doesn't notice the venom that poured out of my mouth when I said that word.

"Oh." His wife. He got married. It must have been recent or something. I rummage through my bag and pull out my cigarettes. I pull one out of the pack and I could feel his eyes on me. My hand goes back into my bag to try to find my lighter, but I can't seem to find it. A click of another lighter sounds and I look up to see him holding out a flame from me. My eyes meet his and I see the same ones that helped me throughout all those years. I smile and bring the cig up to my lips as I lean forward to light it with his lighter. It catches fire and I lean back. I offer a cigarette to him, but he shakes his head.

"Nah, we'll share it. Like old times." She smiles brightly at me. No doubt the memory of her sitting of my roof, watching the constellations of a Tuesday night while sharing a cigarette I stole from my mothers purse. I smile along with her at the prized memory. She takes a drag and hands me the cig. I bring it up to my lips and look out to the field once again. "So, who did you come with?"

"Um..." I don't want to tell him. Though if I lie to him, he will never forgive me, so I might as well. God, this is going to kill him. Assuming he still cares about me. "Alex." His head whips around to me. Yup, that's got to hurt.

"Alex Alex? Like 'the asshole boyfriend from 10th grade' Alex?" She glares back at me because of the old statement I constantly used when they were going out way back when. I hope they aren't still going out.

"Hey." That shut him up for a second. I don't know the exact reason why I'm defending that asshole, but I had to stop him before he would say something he would really regret.

"Wow."

"What?"

"You're still defending him."

"He's my husband, John." At those words, it seemed like his whole body froze. He's not looking at me, but I know that if he did, his sadness would pour out of them. I hated hurting him like this. I still do.

"Since when?" I want to punch that motherfucker out for making her do this. He's the master manipulator, so I'm guessing she wasn't in her best mind space when she said yes to that fucker. No matter how much I tried pulling her away from him, he sinks his claws even deeper. He's slowly killing the only woman I have ever truly told that I loved her.

"About a year ago." A pang goes off in my stomach. I don't know what else to do, but tell him the truth.

I turn back around to her. My mouth opens, reading to tell her she's insane for doing that, but I know that she didn't have much of a choice. I would still like an explanation. "Why?"

I see the tears welling up underneath his irises. God, I hate this so much. "You left, John." He shakes his head and turns back to the field in front of him. I look down at my feet. I can't take this anymore. I turn to walk out and back into the chaos that I call my past. "I'm sorry."

She turns towards the door that she used to reenter my life. Now, she uses it to exit it once again. This will end differently this time. I don't care if I seem too desperate. I need her back. I move to grab her arm, but I don't pull her towards me. Her eyes glue to mine that touches her. Almost like she's waiting for me to either let go of her, or make the leap. I press into her and my hand that still holds the cigarette finds her cheek. My thumb glides over her still freckled cheekbone. I can't have her be taken from my grasp again. And in one desperate swoop, my lips connect with hers. She doesn't stop me and I'm so glad she doesn't. My other hand goes up to her other cheek and she grabs the material of my shirt. We both involuntarily take a sharp inhale of each other as we both desperately latch on to one another. I pull away to connect with confused eyes. "I'm sorry I left. It splits me to the fucking bone that I left you. But I'm not going anywhere now."