Yoonseok/Sope one shots

Happy Pride

Good night friends, it's 9:30pm and I just finished Dans amazing video that left me smiling more than I have in months. I've experienced the worst week I have in my entire life and this video made me feel so happy.

The reason I haven't been on much is cause my grandma passed away last Friday and I was so close to her, we were like best friends. I've felt more sad than I have ever and it's just hard. I never got to come out to her before she died and that is one of my greatest regrets in life. And it was for the worst fucking reason I can imagine but we'll get into that. But I feel happy with my pride and I wanna talk about it guys. So sit down, grab your popcorn and let's talk about my bisexual journey!

It started in elementary I had some unexplained gay thoughts that I just brushed off as regular. I had a crush on one of the female teachers and I'd never let a chance pass to tell her how beautiful she looked, what a polite little girl. In fifth grade I had a gay crush on Lana Del Ray and that birthed my ever growing story of gayness. I first learned about what gay REALLY meant in fifth grade when we were visiting my uncle in New York. He was gay and a wonderful man btw, and my mom tried to condition me to think it was weird. Saying things like "he's... different" and saying how weird it was. I never thought of it as weird, I just listened to what my mom said as many of us do. So I went into middle school in theatre and generally a pretty athletic kid that could get around. And I liked BOYS very much, at least as much as a child in a heteronormative world would.

I soon got into a group and this started my EMO phase. Yeah, you heard that right. Pete Wentz eyeliner, My chemical romance all day, writing pierce the veil lyrics on the cafeteria tables and seeing how many band bracelets from hot topic you could fit on your tiny middle schooler arms. That group was amazing, I miss them a lot honestly. But of course with gen z emo kids you're gonna have to experimental kids or even ones who have accepted their preferred labels. I had Trans best friends, gay friends Pan and bi friends and I fell in love in middle school as well. And it was with a girl. Crazy right? I never even took a second to consider she was a girl before I went "yeah I'll date you". This kinda sucked though. I can't relate to that suffering of at first coming to terms with who you are cause I treated it so normally. Growing up I was always up to doing something new even if it seemed strange to others and I was always open to anything (within reason). I wanted everything to be a new fun experience. (News flash, middle school didn't turn out well) but I still liked boys although I was dating a girl who I was very in love with, I never felt this way to anyone before in my entire life but I had crushes on boys in elementary school and was just scared of the word "gay" or "lesbian". I grew up in a fairly open world but kids still called things "gay" as an insult or would beat the shit out of you even if you SMELT queer. I just accepted that it was "wrong" and "bad" and "weird". Unordinary. Invalid. That's what I thought.

Music helped me a lot. Gay representation in media means the world to an individual. Peoples stories of coming out online and queer characters in movies and shows and books and lgbtq lyrics in songs helped me get through a lot of my struggles at the time.

My friends supported me in who I was but the girl i dated ended up ruining my life to where it took me almost five years and lots of therapy to get over. Bad first experience I know. But here's the beautiful thing. I was surrounded by gays alike and we were like a big emo family that listened to Panic! At the disco and watched Dan and Phil at lunch. We stuck together and supported one another through thick and thin. They were possibly the best thing about middle school and the only people that kept me going. They helped me get through it and protected me and talked and they helped me through a dark time in my life where I attempted to take my life many times. I kept going. I introduced myself to the community and it was overall amazing. Such beautiful strong people with amazing and inspiring stories. Then there was me. I'm nothing, but I am strange as they'd call it. Sometimes I think it was the community of friends in real life and online that kept me going.