Whatever oneshots •Boyf riends•

Can only smile for so long [Angst]

I like to think about what would happen if the SQUIPcident didn't happen and Jeremy never got a squip, well jeremy...

Y'know you see a lot of angst of Michael killing himself...
WELL GUESS WHAT?

:')
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Dearest nobody.
Unless someone reads this which nobody would because nobody cares.

After turning thirteen, things really went crazy. Things got worse, I guess? I mean, a lot happened. I um, feel like a freak. Y'know, a black sheep in the family... speaking of family, mum and dad haven't been the nicest to eachother recently. And it's killing me. I hate hearing them yell and then hear the door shut, and I hate hearing my dad suffering downstairs. I'm scared for a lot of reasons, I fear for my safety because of the slamming doors and... I fear that mum and dad are gonna divorce. I don't want that.... I would tell Michael but he's got his own issues, because I'm sure growing up is difficult for him too. Besides, he probably doesn't care... he probably wouldn't mind if I died. God I realise this makes me sound super suicidal, I mean, I want to kill myself sometimes; but I guess I'm still a happy kid. Maybe.

God this is such a mess, sorry.

Jeremy Heere ~ 14/8/12

Dearest nobody.
Unless someone reads this which nobody would because nobody cares.

My big fear happened today, my mum left. The phrase, "Want to kill myself sometimes" becomes a feeling o always feel. Nothing else. Behind this smile is a troubled young man, who can't take it anymore. Michael makes life tolerable, but... I know he doesn't actually care.

Jeremy Heere~ 3/11/13

Dearest nobody.
Unless someone reads this which nobody would because nobody cares.

So um, I think I fell in love with someone. They don't know I exist, but i still romanticise. I can't help but feel helpless, and then feel pathetic and not good enough for them.

God falling in love sucks.

Since they don't know I exist they wouldn't care if I died... so there's another reason to die. I've been feeling really suicidal recently, and I'm thinking of killing myself. Like, literally killing myself. Is it bad that I've kept all this in? Y'know, bottled up under a smile? I don't know... I can only smile for so long.

Jeremy Heere  ~  2/7/14

Dearest nobody.
Unless someone reads this which nobody would because nobody cares.

I can't take it anymore. I've become distressed with bullying, I've become distressed with my newfound feelings for Michael, and I've become distressed with everything. I can't do this, I can't do this anymore. Nothing can help me, because I'm so hopeless.

I hate this, I hate me, and I hate everything.

Everything about me is just terrible.
Everything about me makes me wanna die.

Jeremy Heere ~ 26/9/15

Dear Michael Mell
If you've read this then I have successfully overdosed and killed myself.

It is not your fault that I did this, after all, you couldn't have done anything to help my insecurities and depression.

Just know that I've loved you for some time, more than I ever did with Christine. But...

My fantasies could never become realities because I know for a fact you don't like me, and that you wouldn't consider liking the real me. You don't know the real me, the inconsequential mess behind the smile of your friend.

So goodbye Michael. Hope you find better friends who aren't messes like me, and I hope you fall in love with someone with someone worthy to be with you.

I can't do this anymore, so sorry if this is rushed, but I have to kill myself.  Just

Goodbye, my love.

Love from Jeremy Heere
30/9/15

But Jeremy...
I did love you...