In Between (SC, #4)

Kabanata 35

Kabanata 35

Masasanay

Last week, I can't believe that I was staring the Pylon for one long minute before going inside the university. I remember being afraid to let myself in to PUP. Akala 'ko susuko na 'ko sa unang taon 'ko palang sa kolehiyo. Lalo na sa kinuha 'kong kurso. I never thought Computer Science could be so hard for me. It felt like I really start from the bottom. I know nothing!

Now, the second year started. My bones are already chilling for uneasiness. Marami kasing seniors na grabe manakot tungkol sa Automata. Our professor is somehow chill pero kapag nagkukwento siya sa past students niya like last year, halos manlamig ang sikmura 'ko. I felt like throwing up to the nearest trash bin. How could I ever survive this Major with another Programming Major?

I always went home with Milktea on my hand for stressing myself for the first week of the semester. Each night last week, I tried to study really hard every night kahit na may pasok kinabukasan. Or, if I have a vacant day, I'd gave my time for it. Vacant time, Cassie and I (we're still classmate even reshuffled) were studying. The minors are fine so far. Wala pang nag-iinarte sa kanila. And I thank God for that. Mayroon pa rin namang chill time kahit sobrang KJ nitong isip 'ko madalas.

Yesterday, it is my birthday. I had class and it was really whole day plus the byahe pauwi. Hindi 'ko alam kung may pakulo ang mga pinsan 'ko. But they were flooding me happy birthday message. Some of them, mostly the boys sent throwback pictures of me. Halos isumpa 'ko sila at i-ayos ang setting ng Facebook 'ko sa mga tagged photos na mayroon ako. Hindi ako magka-ugaga sa pag-aayos at sa klase 'ko kahapon. I was really tired yesterday. The traffic sucked big time. May banggaan pa malapit sa Meycauyan Exit. It is my birthday for Pete's sake! Maybe there was a part of me, in the pit of my stomach, in the bottom of my heart, that my cousins would really treat me or somehow do something. I lost hope when the clock hit eight and I was still in the road.

Nakauwi ako nang alas nuwebe ng gabi. Naghintay pa ng kalahating oras bago makatatlo ang tricycle na sinakyan 'ko. The only lights that had been turned on was the lights outside our house. Mas lalong napabusangot ang mukha 'ko kasi mukhang tulog na ang mga tao. The tiniest hope of surprise was slowly vanishing as my eyes gazed around the area. Baka kasi nagtatago lang sila o may ibang pakulo. Pero wala, e.

There was no chance anymore. Probably.

I knocked twice on the door. Nag-text na rin ako kay Papa na nasa tapat ako ng pintuan para mabuksan nila. Even Mama and kuya Kit, I texted them also. Ilang minuto akong naghintay bago buksan ni Mama ang pinto.

"Happy Birthday," ang unang batid ni Mama ngunit patay pa rin ang ilaw sa loob ng bahay. Napasilip at napakunot ako ng noo. My heart banged inside my chest. Napasinghap ako nang mamuo ang isang teorya sa aking isipan.

Baka ito na 'yon!

Ilang beses akong napalunok. My eyes were bugging.

"Titipid na tayo sa kuryente ba," sunod ni Mama sabay talikod sa akin. Mabilis na bumagsak ang balikat 'ko. The sliver of hope was gone totally. "Nagluto ako ng pansit. Akala 'ko mga alas siyete makakauwi ka na. Pinamigay 'ko sa mga tita at tito mo 'yong pansit dahil hindi na masarap kapag malamig. Bumili rin si Papa mo ng cake nasa ref..." Nagtuloy si Mama sa paglalakad hanggang sa makarating sa ikalawang baytang. "Isarado mong mabuti 'yong pintuan. Saka h'wag mong kalimutan i-ref 'yong matitira mo baka maipisan tayo..." Unti-unting humina ang boses ni Mama hanggang sa makapasok sa kwarto nila ni Papa.

"Okay, Ma..." ang tanging nasabi 'ko. My lungs even collapsing. Napakagat ako ng labi. I heaved a sigh after and pushed the thoughts that lingered for so long.

I was left in the middle of the living room alone in the dark. My eyes glowered and burned at the same time. I blinked back the unshed tears. Tinatagan 'ko ang loob 'ko. Maybe, they were really that busy. I should just understand. Sobrang busy ng nina kuya dahil sa paghahanap ng trabaho saka pagri-review. Sina Mai, Julia, at Jayden nagbabawi siguro ng pahinga dahil bakasyon nila. I understand.