Don't Let Me Be Gone

Thirty Seven

A/N ——
The song is called Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit (linked above ^^^^)
Go listen to it, it's an amazing song

Deceit POV
I looked around at my new empty room. Sadness filled me. Doubt's gone. He's dead. He isn't coming back. I'm all alone again.

And it's all my fault that Virgil is now stuck in the Pit. I remember how horrible that place was. He's going to be so mentally destroyed when he gets out of there.

I closed my eyes and summoned all of my things from my old place, along with all of Doubt's things.

I opened my eyes to my new room.  The walls were painted a light grey.  A large black and yellow king sized bed was in front of me.  Doubt's pillow was on it, I stared at it before turning away from the bed. 

Black bookshelves were now around the room, covered messily in all my belongings.  A large yellow snake print carpet was underneath me. 

I walked across the room to the large windows with a glossy black grand piano in front of them.  I sat down on the bench and ran my fingers across the keys. 

I pulled off my gloves, cape, and hat and dropped them down on the floor next to the piano.    The scales ran down my left arm and across my hand.  I hated them, extremely ashamed of my half snake part.  Doubt didn't hate it, he was mesmerized by it almost. 

Sitting at the piano brought along other sad memories...but of Virgil.  Remus and I were around the longest, Ignorance showing up shortly after.  But Virgil didn't show up until Thomas's teen years. 

Remus and Ignorance didn't care much about a new dark side.  But I took Virgil under my wing and raised him like a little brother.  I taught him how to play piano...I wonder if he still plays. 

I hated him when he left.  He left me alone with the dark sides, trapped in the Pit.  As if I hadn't cared for him and protected him during all those years when he first showed up. 

I slammed my hands on the keys, tears filling my eyes.  Doubt's gone.  He's gone forever.  And after everything, when finally I thought Virgil and I could be family again, he left.  He sacrificed himself for me. 

As if I was worth that.  I'm not.  I'm a horrible half snake man who just fucks up everything.  I couldn't save Doubt.  I couldn't save Virgil.  I let Corruption use me as a puppet and make me hurt the people I cared about. 

Tears were falling quickly down my face now.  The urge to cut came back.  I hated this feeling.  This feeling of worthlessness.  And I can only get rid of the feelings in three ways.  Cuddling with Doubt, cutting, or playing piano. 

I placed my shaking fingers on the keys.  Slowly I stared playing the intro to the song.

"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

"But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

"No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

"But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

"No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

"But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes." 

I sang quietly, hoping my voice wouldn't carry through the house.  I finished the song and moved my hands from the keys.  And of course, the feeling wasn't gone. 

I was distracted for a few seconds, but now it's back and even stronger.  I sighed and stood up, giving into the voices. 

I pulled my sleeve up and headed to the bathroom.  I quickly dismantled a razor with used practice. 

I sat down and leaned against the sink, staring at my write.  My arms weren't as scarred up as Virgil's but there was still a good five or six prominent scars that anyone could recognize as self harm. 

I quickly ran the blade across my wrist, drawing blood.  I added three my cuts before standing up.  I dropped the bloody razor into the sick and quickly cleaned up my wrist. 

I winced a little at the pain as I bandaged the cuts.  I pulled my sleeve down and returned to my room as if nothing happened. 

"DECEIT!"  Screamed a worried voice from downstairs.  "COME HERE!  QUICKLY!" 

I sighed a bit but walked over to grave my gloves, cape and hat.  I pulled them all back on as I walked out of my room. 

I quickly headed down the stairs to see Patton standing next to the couch.  He had a worried expression on his face.  Logan was standing there with an accusing expression on his face. 

"What's wrong?"  I asked. 

"Do you know where Doubt's body is?"  Asked Logan.  "It is no longer here on the couch."  Fear filled my instantly. 

"What do you mean his body's gone?!"  I asked, my voice rising in fear. 

"It was here when we came home."  Patton whispered.  "But when me and Logan came back downstairs it was gone." 

"Stop calling him 'it'."  I hissed at him. 

"Sorry."   Patton mumbled. 

"Based on your reaction, you don't know where Doubt's body is."  Logan said. 

"Where is he?!"  I asked again.  "Why isn't he here?  Where could he have gone?  What happened?"  I rambled on and on, not even sure of what I was saying anymore. 

Patton came over and gently rubbed my arm.  I flinched away from his touch and wrapped my arms around myself. 

"Considering that none of us have witnessed the death of a trait, it's quite possible that the body just disappears within twenty four hours of the death."  Logan suggested.  Than there was a knock at the door. 

Patton walked over quickly to answer it.  He opened the door but let out a quite but audible 'oh my goodness'.  Logan quickly walked over to Patton in concern but backed away and shot me a look. 

Patton and Logan walked back into the living room, Remy and Picani trailing behind them.  They had a worried expression in their face as they stood in front of a third person. 

"Please don't freak out."  Patton said to me, holding his arms out in front of him.  I looked over at him with a confused expression. 

"Okay, so we were in the trait complex,"  started Picani.  "And we came across someone."  He stepped to the side and pulled the person behind him into my view. 

I let out a chocked sob and put my hand over my mouth. 

Doubt.