5sos preferences

You SH

Ok, so SH stands for self harm. Now this has been requested a few times and to be honest I've been really reluctant to do it. It's a tricky subject for a lot of people and I know this sounds like a rant but if anyone ever wants to talk to me about this subject them feel free to - it's a tough subject for me too.

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Ashton:

"Hey (Y/N), you coming in the pool?" Ashton asked as you lay in the sun lounger.

"Um nah I think I'll stay here for a bit. Top up my tan."

"Well you aren't gonna get a tan with a cardigan on."

"I'll manage!" You joked.

Later that day, in the evening, Ashton plonked himself next to you on the sofa and put his arm around your shoulder.

"I know we're a pretty new relationship but we've been friends for a while now. Michael mentioned something to me today and when I come to think of it, I've never seen your arms."

You kept staring directly at the TV screen.

"Talk to me (Y/N)," he said gently.

"Don't do this, Ash. Please." You could feel a tear run down your cheek but you wiped it away with your sleeve.

"Do you hurt yourself?"

That was it. You couldn't control your sobs anymore an you just curled into Ashton's chest.

"It's ok," he soothed. "I'm here. It's gonna be ok. We'll get you help. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thank you," you whisper into his shirt.

Calum:

"Are you ready?" Calum called from the other side of the door.

"Yeah. Just prepare yourself."

"I love you no matter what."

You smile to yourself. You and Calum had spoken about your self harm before but he'd never seen your scars fully. He'd caught glimpses but he never asked to see them. Today you decided you'd show him because you were sick of having to hide under the duvet all the time.

You open the door and step out in the skimpiest lingerie set you own.

"Wow," Calum breaths. "Why don't I see you like this more often? Is this new?" He asks as he toys with the sides of your underwear.

"What about the scars? They're hideous." You look down at your feet not wanting to make eye contact with your boyfriend.

"Oh right yeah the scars. They're fine. To be honest I didn't even notice them." He grins sheepishly. "Have I told you how great your boobs look right now?"

Luke:

"We need to talk." Luke said seriously as he sat next to you on the sofa.

"Yes?" You were concerned.

"I found these," he opens his palm to reveal lots of little razors.

"Luke-"

"Tell me you don't (Y/N)."

"Not anymore," you look down.

"Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Just drop it."

"Why?" He repeatedly sternly.

"For fuck sake. I hated my life and it was a release. Want to see the scars too?" You retort angrily as your pulled up your top to reveal all the tiny white scars on your stomach.

Luke ducked his head and kissed a patch of them.

"Stop." You push him away.

"What?"

"Kissing them isn't romantic or anything. If anything it makes me feel worse. It reminds me that people can't see past them."

"We've been best friends for years. You think a few scars are gonna change my mind about you?"

"They do to everyone else."

"Well then they're idiots. I love you (Y/N), you're strong."

"You love me?"

"So fucking much," but this time he ducked to kiss your lips.

Michael:

It was all too much again.

Michael was out doing interviews and the voices were getting louder.

They were telling you to do it.

To burn yourself again.

You lit the cigarette and turned it towards your thigh.

The sting came.

The release.

"(Y/N)?" Michael called. "Are you smoking? It stinks in here!"

Shit. "I'm in the bedroom. Give me a minute."

"I don't have a minute," his voice was getting closer. "I've been thinking about you all -" he stopped abruptly when he flung the bedroom door open. "Why are you crying? What's wrong?" He asked as he knelt in front of you.

"Don't get mad. I just needed to do it."

"Do what?"

You took your hand off your thigh and Michael just stared at the blistered skin.

"Why would you do this? Oh my god I've been so blind to this. I'm so sorry. Look we'll get through this together. I love you (Y/N)," he kissed your cheek and sat next to you until you could speak again.

"I love you more."

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Ok so this is a bit suckish but I feel like it needs to be addressed. Luke was what actually happened between my boyfriend and I (shortened version). And I know that there are so many other ways and places that people hurt themselves so sorry if one's missing :/