10 Years I Loved You Most || Yoongi x Reader

°Ch.10°

Yoongi Pov
Its been hours since Y/n ran out of the apartment and I just couldnt find her. Constantly trying to call her cellphone she just didnt pick up. Sighing in defeat I walked back to the apartment and kicked my shoes off while walking in.. until something caught my eye. Walking over towards teh couch I reached underneath to pull out a small blue book that said 'Journal' on the front. (Must be Y/ns...) I thought while opening  it. Flipping through a bunch of pages about how we met and such I smiled at how she wrote about everything that happened. Continuing to flip through I was on the most recent entry...

"I cant believe this...." Scanning through the entry I covered my mouth shocked with what I had just read. I didnt want to believe it... 

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Date: xx/xx/xx
Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) Thats what I have been diagnosed with a few days ago. I never thought it would come down to this. Thinking that it was nothing more than just a normal type of sickness.. but I never thought that it would be something cancerous. Stage 3... its already too late for me. I know that Im going to end up dying. I thought so many times that I should tell Yoongi about it but I never had the chance. The day I was told I had Leukemia I phoned Yoongi the same day ready to tell him the news... but... he was busy with another woman that day. Deciding that I should just tell him another time I began to think that would I even be able to tell him? Would I ever get the chance to actually tell him about this? I always thought that if I told him would be care? Would he look at me the way he did before with loving eyes? I wish those things would happen but I know im not the one he holds dear in his heart anymore. 

When should I tell him? Should I even tell him? If I told him how would he react?
Or should I just leave quietly....
Would he even notice that im gone?
Would he look for me?
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Feeling the tears that brimmed my eyes blur my vision I could hold back my  tears from flowing. I couldnt believe that this was happening.  While I was out sleeping with Jisoo I never paid attention to what was happening with Y/n. I never saw how much she needed me that day when she called me. I should have went to her that day instead of staying over at Jisoos house. (Fuck... if only I was there. If only I didnt fuck around. I would have known about her sickness sooner.) Feeling angry with myself I stood up from the couch and threw the journal across the room. "FUCK!" I yelled out while breathing heavily. Taking out my phone I quickly dialed Y/ns cell phone in hopes that she would answer. After a few rings and thinking that she wouldnt pick up... the call was answered. But it wasnt Y/n on the other side.

Yoongi
Y-Y/n?? w-where are you?? please tell me where you are... 

Y/n
Hello??? 

Yoongi
Huh? w-who is this??? w-where is Y/n??

Taehyung
So your Y/ns boyfriend Yoongi... You havent met me but im actually her friend Taehyung

Yoongi
O-Oh... w-where is Y/n? is she with you?

Taehyung
If your wondering where Y/n is... thats something I cant tell you.

Yoongi
W-Where is she?! PLEASE TELL ME.

Taehyung
Im sorry... but I cant. Taehyung Y/n is...-

Hangs up. 

Hearing him hang up the call I looked down at my phone and stared at the screen.... Tears falling down my face I threw my phone across the living room frustrated. "I fucked up... I fucked up..." I mumbled to myself as I threw my head back. Tears continuing to run down my face I stared up at the ceiling "Why did I do this... How did I not know... its all because I let me lust for Jisoo get in the way. If only I didnt fuck around... I-If only I pushed her away things wouldnt have been this way!" Yelling and groaning out of frustration a voice spoke up. "You found out huh..." shooting my head in the direction of the voice I saw Jungkook standing there with his arms crossed. 

"Jungkook.." "She told you didnt she..." he questioned while walking towards me. Nodding my head I glanced at him "How did you know?" "The day she told you that she fainted... I brought her to the hospital and the doctor told me then..."  Sighing I looked down at the ground and let out a dry laugh "You probably  hate me huh?" he laughed and sat  down beside me on the couch "Haha I guess you could say that... why did you do it?" he suddenly questioned making me look at him confused. "Do what?" "I dont think I need to explain... you know what I mean" Understanding what he meant I nodded (Y/n must have told him....) "want to hear the full story? or keep it short?" 

Leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms he looked at me with a blank expression "Well im here... might as well tell me your side of the story" "Yeah your right..." Sighing I didnt know where to start.. but I decided to start from the very beginning, the day I met Jisoo. 

"I was working... a normal day at work until I was introduced to my new assistant Jisoo. Never spared her a glance  because I thought of only Y/n. But ever since she began to  work as my assistant we grew closer to each other...  no I never caught feelings for her but I dont know what happened... I dont know when it started but the lust I had grew stronger. One day Jisoo walked into my office and sat on my desk... one thing led to another and she kissed me, I didnt want to kiss her I wanted to stop but my body just didnt let me do so. I never knew that Y/n found out and saw what happened... if I knew I would have stopped and begged for forgiveness but thinking that she didnt know I continued to let it happen. I continued to let Jisoo do whatever she wanted with me.... and if your wondering of course I still love Y/n.. I only loved her for the past 10 years we have been together. Shes my everything... but I let my stupid hormones get the best of me and now Im going to lose her.. literally... once she told me that she knew about Jisoo it felt like karma was coming back to  eat my ass. I was ready for her to yell at me, kick me, slap me... but I wasnt ready to hear her tell me that she was dying. I wasnt ready to find her journal and learn the truth the hard way. Im not... Im not ready to lose her." 

Jungkook Pov
Listening to his story made me pity him... He said he loves Y/n and I truly do believe he does but that still doesnt let him off the hook for cheating on Y/n with another woman. Nodding once he was done telling me everything I looked over at him and he broke down, crying into his hands as he yelled out in sadness. Ill be honest.. I liked Yoongi hyung, and I used to be jealous of their relationship when I first found out they were together. They were the cutest couple... but after visiting Y/n as she cooked me dinner I knew something was wrong, I knew she constantly cried.. and I knew it was because of him. 

"Your really stupid  you know that hyung??" I commented while looking at him. Wiping away his tears he looked at me "You dont think I knew that??? Not only am I stupid.. im the worst boyfriend ever" Nodding I agreed with him "Yeah... you really are." Staying in the silence for a few minutes I took my phone out of my pocket and saw that Namjoon sent me a text "Y/n is here in the hospital... come by when you have the chance"  Closing my phone and putting it away I looked at him and saw that he looked at me wanting to say something but was too scared to do so. " Hyung, If you have something to say... just say it..." "Y/n... her cancer.. how bad is it?" 

Wanting to be completely honest I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I dont want to beat around the bush and feed you lies. But her cancer is getting worse.... She could be entering stage 4 anytime now..." Seeing his expression fall I knew he was broken from the news (He really loves her...) "D-Does she take chemotherapy??" I shook my head and he looked at me shocked. "W-Why?? H-How come?" I shrugged my shoulders not knowing the true reason to why shes been holding off on it. "You should ask her yourself..." "B-But how??  I-I dont even know where she is... I-I dont even think she will come back.." Standing up I made my way to the door but stopped to look back at the younger.

 "Be patient.. think things through and fix yourself. Start making things right and she will come back."

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(A/N: Do you think Yoongi will change?? what do you all think?? Let me know in the comments! Also I find it wild to think that its almost the end of 2020!)