Forbidden {L.S.}

Fifty-Nine

Pheoby curled into me, a small whimper leaving her. I woke up even more than I already was, rubbing her back. “Shh,  Pheob. It's okay.”

“Mommy,” she cried. She grabbed onto my shirt. “I want Mommy.”

“I know, I know, Pheoby.” I turned to lay on my back and I pulled her onto my chest. “Shh,  it's okay.”

“I miss Mommy.” She cried and sniffled. “I miss Mommy, Hazzy.”

“We all miss her, sweetie. We all do.” I kissed her head. “Go to sleep.”

She yawned, her breathing still uneven from crying. “I love you, Hazzy.”

“I love you too, kiddo. Get some rest.”

***

Three days later we had the service and the funeral. Pheoby and Daisy were with Lottie and Fizzy. I sat with Louis during the service, holding his hand. He was trying not to cry, but he ended up doing so. Not that anyone would blame him for it. 

“This is unreal,” Louis whispered to me. “I don't want to actually believe this.”

“I don't either,” I whispered back. I tried to block back tears but couldn't. “I'm sorry, Lou.”

He gave me a sad smile, squeezing my hand. “It'll be better soon.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It gets better.”

Louis never officially came out to his family. When he introduced me to his mom, that's how they knew. He wasn't scared to be out, but he also didn't want to use the funeral as the time to do just that. So I stayed close, but not too close. 

I had Pheoby on my hip, walking around. “Why aren't you with Lou?” She asked, pulling on my tie.

“It's complicated, Pheoby. Not everyone knows Louis and I are dating,” I explained. “We don't want to tell everyone yet.”

“But dating isn't a big deal.” Pheoby looked up at me. “Tom and Lottie are together.” She looked over at the two, then back to me.

“Yeah, but two boys is different than a boy and a girl.” I bounced her slightly as we walked around. 

“Why?” 

I shrugged. “I don't know. It gets confusing.”

“I think you and Lou should be together. If Tom and Lottie can, so can Hazzy and Lou.” She smiled and I smiled back. “Go to Lou.”

“Maybe in a little bit, alright?” She nodded, laying her head on my chest. “Getting tired?”

“A little.” She held on tighter. “Wanna go home.”

“Let's go find Daddy,” I said. Still carrying Pheoby, I found Dan who was also holding a tired Daisy. “She tired too?”

Dan nodded. “Do you and Louis want to take them back?”

“I can do it. He's talking to everyone.” I moved Pheoby to one side, taking Daisy on the other.

“You're not with him?” Dan asked, tilting his head. 

“I'm not sure he's ready. He's saying it's because of the funeral. Either way it's fine, we don't have to be out to everyone.” I swayed back and forth with the girls and Pheoby laid her head on my shoulder.

Dan nodded and handed me his keys. “Okay. Fizzy will probably be home soon, she's not the biggest social person. Speaking of,” he said as Fizzy was walking up. “Ready to leave?” he asked her when she stopped next to us.