Spoby: the beginning

Chapter 32

SPENCERS POV

I walked through the door and my heart dropped and it felt like someone ripped my heart out and put it back in the wrong way. My heart ached, my knees gave out, my eyes watered. I collapsed. Everything was gone, just like the hope that was very solemnly in my heart. Gone. Just like the trust I had for Toby. Everything was gone. When I said I didn't have anything to lose, I lied. I do have something to lose, myself. I've lost myself and now, all I can feel is the lose and pain. How could this happen? Why me?

I wasn't sure how long I laid on the creaky wooden floor. Maybe minutes, Perhaps hours. Some how I managed to pull myself up only to fall back down. I needed someone, but there's no one left I can trust. I've lost everyone. At this point, I'm numb. Numb to love, numb to sadness, numb to hope, numb to happiness. I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing, all I do know is that I don't have to deal with this unbearable feeling of loneliness and guilt. I feel guilty from trusting Toby. It seems that a simple sentence; why was I so stupid, runs through my mind over 20 times a day. I finally bring myself up and leave the room making sure to slam the door with the little energy I have left and leave. Only to be met by people staring at me. It's not like they had their heart ripped from their chest.

Getting into the car I already have the heat blasting. I can't be here, I need to leave this parking lot, all it's doing is reminding my how big of a screw up I am.

I'm driving somewhere, I have no idea where to, or why. I'm not even sure if this is even real life. I'm zoning out but driving. It's like my mind isn't connected to my body. Almost like I wouldn't be able to stop even if I tried.

I pull up next to a house and I am well aware of who's it is. It's Mona's house. Something is telling me to go home and to not do this. But that's the shitty thing about love, it makes you do extreme and stupid things. I didn't realize I had it this bad. I was damaged but far more in love than I had ever imagined.

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm out of the car and heading to her front door.

One knock

Two knocks

Three knocks

My heart is pounding out of my chest.

My mind is saying to turn back.

But I'm only focusing on my heart and my heart is saying to wait. Do it.

I'm greeted by a lady opening the door.

"Hello, can I help you?" She questions.

"Um, yes. Is Mona here?" I can't believe I'm doing this. This goes against everything.

"Yes, she's just upstairs hun" she moves to the side to let me in. At this point my heart is beating so fast, it feels like it's about to beat out of my chest. I'm already heading upstairs and I'm met by a white door that has a sign saying keep out. I'm already very aware that Mona is behind this door. And again.

One knock

Two knocks

Three knocks.

The door swings open and I'm face to face with Mona. I don't think I'll ever be able to erase the image of the shock

On her face. It was unreal. I'm sure the amount of shock matched to amount of desperate on my face. I needed her help. I need my Toby.

"Spencer, what the hell are you doing here?" She practically screamed at me. Expected? Yes. Necessary? No.

"I need your help." I pleaded

"Wow, never thought I'd hear those words come out of Spencer Hastings mouth." She chucked a little. She also gave me a wicked smirk so I'm assuming she knows what I'm talking about. "So what do you want?"

By then I have closed her door making sure to not be heard by her oblivious parents. "I need to be on the A team." The words come out fast but by the expression on Mona's face I know she comprehended it.

"How do you know I'm still on it? I quit after I got caught. Remember?" Shes trying to trick me. I know she's lying.

"Don't play dumb Mona. I know it's you. I saw you running. I can read your handwriting." I spat at her. I needed in.

"Fine, I'm in it. I can't just let anyone in. How badly do you want it?" Again she gave me that infamous smirk of hers.

Before I knew what was happening those simple words that would change everything fell from my lips. "Badly. I'll do anything."

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I AM SO SORRY I HAVENT WRITTEN IN LIKE 3 MONTHS. IM SORRYYY. BUT THANKS FOR THE READS!! I LOVE YOU GUYS. UPDATES WEEKLY. ONLY A FEW CHAPTERS LEFT.

~Sydney