Always and Forever

25 . The Flashback

                WORD COUNT: 1225

It was 21st December 2006 , I was seven at that time when I killed a person for the first time ......

It was thursday , I came back from school by three in the afternoon . People usually have a nap at that time and it was fun for us to disturb them . We found happiness in these silly things . We were a group of five boys then . We were playing hide and seek , the most common game we all would have played in our childhood. I went inside my uncle's house to hide , It was a huge one. I was hiding very quietly under the table , while I heard the masculine voice of my uncle . He had a deep voice .

" what is happening here ?people there are enjoying their lives at peace . Are we here to protect them or to see them live heppily ?I don't understand any of these . Have we all forgotten about the protests they held against us ? The grudge they hold against us ?"

I was hiding under the table without moving an inch . I was holding my breath, not to make a noise . Suddenly a loud bang was heard . My uncle was banging the table above my head . I came out shivering from my hiding place. He was surprised on my sudden appearance. I was not able to explain myself as I became numb due to fear . My mind was not working , all I can hear was the loud thud of my heart which was beating on an Unrhythmic pace .

Before I could utter a single word , he identified me .
"Come out my dear hashim's son . Why are you looking dumbstruck , like you have seen a ghost ?" .

I felt like telling him that he was the ghost I was scared of . But I choose the better one and remained silent .

"Come on my boy you are so scared , if we have people like you ,then how can we fight against them ? . Being Hashim's son , you should be courageous . We are planning on making an attack tomorrow . You should come with me and I will teach you what bravery is." He patted me and I nodded my head as a reply and left the place without looking back .

His words made me sleepless . I was tossing and turning in the bed , waiting for the morning to arrive , waiting for the sun to rise. I don't know whether the wait was of eager or of fear .
I was counting the seconds . This was the first thing I kept away from my brother  Hafiz . I did not want to involve him in this .

Finally morning came , the sunrise bought light into everyone's life and darkness into mine . It was the worst morning I regret of waking up . I woke up and got ready quickly. I was preparing myself to act boldly , without knowing what boldness really means .

" Dad , Riyaz uncle called me , he told me that he wants to take me somewhere and teach me what bravery is . Can I go with him ?". I asked my dad

" Has riyaz already begun this ? . It is okay to go with him , but has he forgotten that you are just a seven year old little boy ?. Okay go with him, but never leave his side my dear hamza ."

" sure dad . I'll be with him and never leave his side . " I waved  bye to my dad and left . I went to my uncle's place and saw him getting ready . The sight itself gave me goosebumps . He was getting ready as though he is going to face a war .with all those guns, bullets and shields he looked terrible .

" Come on my boy , I thought you would never show up . Being hashim's son You are brave enough ." He patted my back and took me along with him to a truck .
I got in along with hundreds of men , who were all carrying different weapons . I saw a few (six to seven ) boys of my age and a few , little elder than me getting in . I got in along with them having no idea of where we were going or what we were going to do .

After a couple of hours we reached our destination . All of us walked behind uncle Riyaz . He was leading us and then suddenly
" divide and attack , when you have completed the task , return here and don't get lost, that might become a risk ." He ordered and all of them scattered , each group were walking in different paths , except me . I was standing behind him , holding his hands tightly .

As I followed him ,He led me to a narrow street with a crooked smile . There were not many people around us . Only a few were standing here and there . There came a lady holding the hand of a boy of nearly my age .
" He must be her son" , I thought to myself . They looked similar . They both had the same skin complexion , the same innocence in their looks , and most importantly they shared the same eye colour, it was blue , the ocean blue . As we advanced towards them , Riyaz uncle handed me a gun and told " it is your turn now " as he shot at the lady's left leg . The lady fell down with a scream . The little boy was shocked , his expression was blank and Within a blink , he ran somewhere .

"Now it's your turn my boy , aim at the lady's heart ." Riyaz uncle guided me like he was making me do something great .
"Show me your bravery Hamza . Only then , we can tell our people how courageous you are."

At that time , his words were the only thing that ringed in my ears . The lady's scream went inaudible . I shot her straight at her heart , which made her scream even louder.

Till date I hear those screams in my dreams . Her shrill cry had never died in my thoughts .

Riyaz uncle patted my back and told me to return to the truck .As he left before me , I went near the dead lady to look at my masterpiece . My first bullet had not missed it's target. She was murmuring "Hayat . Hayat...." . And then she breathed her last breath reciting the kalimah .

I thought she was begging for her life as she said Hayat , which means life . Only now I can see which Hayat she mentioned at her death bed . The Hayat she mentioned that day is my Hayat(life) now.

How will I face my Hayat now ? How can I look at her eyes ? I am the reason behind the tears in those beautiful oceans . I am the reason for her grief, for her misery , for her sorrow . I am the one because of whom , she doesn't have a family . I am the one who killed her mom . She might be only three at that time . How could have I killed a mother of a three year old?
I am a monster , a heartless one . ...

If I had lend my ears to the lady's crying than to riyaz uncle's vengeance on that day , I could have given my life protecting Hayat's mother from riyaz uncle's bullet harming her leg at the first place . She would be safe with Hayat now .

What's done is done . The worst thing about past is it can't be undone. Regret and guilt will be the only thing left behind . .....

************************************

I am so sorry , for making you all wait for so long . The next chap will have a brief explanation about Hamza's past , About how a seven year old little boy turned into a heartless monster. 

The wattys is nearing and I need all of your support. So , don't forget the vote  and the share icons . 😍❤