Amaya's Amaranth (Wattys2014)

Chapter 38: Athene

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

                                  ~Frederick Douglass

Eleven years later.......

I unlocked the door to my apartment. Phew, it was a long day. The number of patients a day. Being a pediatrician was serious hard work. Not that I mind. Kids always brightened my day. Partly because they were kids. And partly because I yet had to become a mother.

Thoughts like these randomly crossed my mind. But after eleven whole years of waiting, it was natural for the thoughts to cross my mind on a regular basis.

If I had a kid, what would it look like? Would it have dimples? Would it have dark eyes or lighter ones? Would it be naughty or calm?

Random thoughts. No biggie. But there were some nights when I would lose control. Times when the loneliness would start to eat me up, break down all my walls. I had moved out of my house then and moved into an apartment. After what had happened at home, my mom and I had a bitter relation. Talking only when needed. And those were when I missed Niall, and that's when my talks with Niall grew longer. Yes, Sky and I were still together. Except the marriage part. We stood by our words and remained with each other all these years. I still felt guilty, because I felt like I was depriving him of a family. I was depriving him of the joy of being a father. He had yet to feel tiny hands in his, he had yet to watch a child call him 'Dad' . And though he never let me know, I could see the dark shadow of loneliness looming in his eyes.

And I was responsible for that.

We had grown busy. Him being a police and me being a doctor. Not to mention his postings. At first it was tough. Because then, frequent visits were not possible. And doctors almost ne'er got a day off. But well, maybe it was our strength which kept us going. I loved Sky with the same passion as the first time. He still had the power to make my heart skip a beat by his voice. He still had the power to make me melt inside with his smile.

It felt like ' The Notebook ' but I was definitely not complaining.

But the times I had these ' thoughtful attacks ' , every time I was lonely. I never called him because really? How much more should I burden him?

I opened the door and got in. Sky was posted to Dhaka then. I closed the door and instantly felt the wave hit me when I cried out. It was too much. All too much for me to handle. I wanted a life. I wanted a person to be with me every single day. I took the cushion from the sofa nearby and screamed into it.

I wanted someone I could sleep with every night. I wanted someone I could whisper to all night.

And that someone was Sky.

I wanted Sky. I felt two hands grip me and I shot my head up.

Sky's POV

I wanted to surprise her. It was a good thing I had the key to her apartment. It had been so damn long since I had felt Amaya. Looked into her eyes and took in her scent. But what I never expected was the scene in front of me.

She sat on the floor screaming into the cushion. Not even bothering to turn the light on. Hearing her muffled sobs from the room, I came out and found her. The shock in her face was evident. She began to thrash and shouted for help. I put a hand over her mouth and said, " Amaya, it's Sky. " The light from the dining room was behind me. It helped me get a look at her but I was pretty sure she only saw a shadow in place of me.

" Amaya, what's wrong? "

" Sky? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I-I have nothing prepared, " she said avoiding the question.

" Don't worry. I have everything under control. " I pulled her in and wiping her tears, I asked, " Amaya, what's wrong honey? "

I guess the question was the breaking point for her. She collapsed again into me and I held on to her.

She said through sobs, " I want a-a child, Sky. "

My heart clenched and my throat became dry. I had to be strong for her. But whenever this topic comes up, I never could hold on resolve.

Because no matter what, Amaya had lost the ability to bear a child five years ago.

Her body was responding badly due to her not bearing a child in time. There were days when she would take pain killers, almost two a day to numb the pain. She knew the effect they would have on her kidney but she had started practice then and was adamant to continue. But it had gotten too far out of hand and finally her ovaries had to be removed.

The operation left her vulnerable, both mentally and physically. Mentally because she still had hope that maybe one day we could have a child. She once even asked if I wanted that but I explained society and her family, which made her agree with me.

But at one time, she had lost almost all contacts with her family, the bitter relation between them never seemed to improve. We could have married and could have had a child. But with me constantly being posted, we never got to it. And finally, it was too late.

Physically, the toll the operation took on her was miserable. She couldn't go to work for days together. Olivia was with her. Bless her soul, even the busy tide of life didn't stop her from keeping her best friendship away.

I let Amaya pour her heart out, willing my tears away. It was really hard and one or two would find their way down. What had she done to be punished so severely? I saw nothing but good in her. She never wanted anyone's ill and was the first to volunteer to help someone. Then why?

Her sobs reduced to sniffles, but her body kept jerking from the after effect of her crying. I stayed silent, at a loss of words.

" Sky, let's adopt a baby. "

A part of me was screaming yes, but the other part was reasoning with it. Although there was a chance that I would be in Dhaka for quite a long time, maybe even be posted here permanently if I cut the mark, there was still a doubt. A doubt about my transfer. Moreover, Amaya was a working woman, more importantly, a doctor. How would she manage a child on her own? And the fact that were weren't even married made it a lot worse.

I remembered the joy we had watching Annelise grow. And I badly wanted to relive the joy again. My mind came to a decision but before I could speak, she spoke out.

" Sky, I can't handle being alone anymore. You keep being posted and I- I want someone to remind me of you always. Someone to make me smile when I'm all alone and exhausted from the day. I-I want a child. "

" Marry me, Amaya, " I said repeating the words I said to her eleven years ago. " The chance of the adoption agency giving a single working mother a child is almost nil. We can do this together. And there's a chance I won't be posted anywhere soon. We can have a family we both wanted. Late or not, I still want us Amaya. We can have a court marriage, your family won't know. I know it sounds selfish now but, Amaya, " I said cupping her face, " I do not want to grow old alone. I want to grow old with you. I want to die with the satisfaction that I had a family. I was a father and a husband. So tell me. Will you marry me? "

She sat dumbfounded, and after what felt like eternity, she engulfed me in a bear hug and said, " Yes, yes, Sky. I will marry you. "

I informed my parents about it but after what felt like ages of explaining to them, they agreed to keep it between ourselves. My mom was dissapointed since the wedding was not proper but I felt under all that, she was happy that we were finally going to be together.

Soon, we had a court marriage. We decided to not change our names. The warmth that radiated from her smile, her eyes was enough to tell me how happy she was. So was I. We were finally together.

And then, a month later, God gifted us Athene.

Athene Roy Thornton.