Falling too far

chapter 21: The battle of feelings

It felt like an eternity sitting crouched on the cold marble floor and crying as all those beautiful memories came flooding through. I never want to change anything about those beautiful moments spent with the guy i love, the night under the stars and those sleepless nights when we just kept talking to each other. I wish i could go back to relive those days. I thought I was over him but i am not. I can never ever have enough of him, of the god who taught me how to love, how to let go, how to be happy, how to smile. How can I ever forget him? I was a dumbass to run away from him. But he hurt me, he cheated on me, he broke me into a million pieces. I dont think i can ever forget that too. But after our moment today, i think it has become way harder to pretend that I hate him. Shall I confess? Shall I give us another chance? Dont I deserve to be happy again? I need his love, his touch. Its like oxygen to me. Today i know, how dead I was before he came back in my life. Today, i know that i cannot live without this bastard, beautiful, god of love.

"Lia! I am sorry!"

"Open the door"

Another knock on the door followed by a beautiful angelic voice. My angel.

"You are gonna make yourself sick." Zayn was out there still trying to talk to me and here i was crying my eyes out.

I shouldnt have done that. I shouldnt have asked you for so much. Dont be upset please! We both were caught up in the moment! Give me a chance. I swear i will set everything right."

Is it actually nothing else? Does he not feel the same way for me anymore? Does he not love me? Did he ever love me?

I decided to open the door before my train of thought overpowers my conscious and i do somehing stupid. Again.
Zayn was there standing right before me. His hair messed up and a frown on his beautiful face. I could feel he wanted to apologize but before he could say something to break me even more i spoke first.

"Can you please drop me off at my place. I need to go. Now."

Our ride home was silent and awkward. I kept looking at the window to hide my tears but more to ignore him, to not give him a chance to speak. Just before i was about to get off the car, he held my hand and said in a broken voice.
"Please just one chance lia!"
I could see tears sparkling in his eyes but i have seen those before and its hard to believe them. I jerked away my hand and plainly marched into my home without looking back.
I dont know what was i going to do now that my feelings had come back again. I could not stop but think about how he felt about the kiss and all those things he said afterwards. Did he really mean it? Of course not! He wants to win me back and hurt me, break me into pieces again.

Ofcourse not! You saw it with your own eyes that day!
My subconscious snaps at me

Before i could take a decision, i got a call from Tyler. Seeing his name appear on my screen nearly made my heart stop. I was scared if he knew about what happened.

"Hi lia!" His voice was calm and gentle
"Hey tyler! Whatsup!"
"Are you okay? I heard you had a hangover"

Holy shit!
He knows about the morning
Oh my god!
No!
He just knows about the hangover right?
No no

"Um yeah I am fine now. Who told you by the way?"
"Zayn of course! He told me you werent feeling well so you left as soon as you woke up.

I let out a breath which i didnt know i was holding for so long.

"Thanks for last night tyler! I was stupid and drunk and you really took good care of me."

"Oh no! It wasnt me it was all zayn. He was there all the time. He took really good care of you. You owe him big time girl! You were upto something very humiliating! He saved you. And he was there with you all the night to see if you woke up and had hangover. He missed college for you. I think he really likes you lia."

What the hell!
He still loves me
He loves me
He loves me
Does he?

I will have to talk to him.

"I need to go tyler. I will call you later. Bye."

I left him messages and everytime i called it went to voicemail. I have no idea where he had been so busy. I had some questions for him which he had to answer. I wanted to give him a chance. One last chance

I waited and waited but there was no text or call from his side. I spent my night restlessly waiting for him to call but he didnt. What just happened. Before i know i drifted off, dreaming of blue eyes and slowly falling in love all over again.