Falling too far

Chapter 22: Heartbreak 2.0

"It's going to be alright honey" said my mom's soothing voice from the other end of phone. I cant believe after a year of struggle and move on, I am still on the same page of my life.
''Its like he just disappeared mom! He is nowhere to be found. His friends dont know, his roommates said they havent seen him, and he is not even attending any class. I am just so worried about him." I said in between my sobs trying to hold back the tears which i have already shed for a thousandth time today.'
My dad was so tensed seeing me skipping meals and staring at my phone all day waiting for some message or call. I am sure by now he thinks i am a lunatic or nonetheless a depressed teenager. It might be taking him all his strength to not drag me to a  psychiatrist and rather ask my mom for help.
"Look Lia. You cant keep running after him. If he wants to face you, he will come back! But until he doesnt you cant just skip your meals and make your life a living hell worrying about him. Zayn is a wise boy. He is okay. And everythings gonna be fine. He would be there tomorrow. Its a new week. Trust me!"

He is okay
He is gonna be there tomorrow
You wanna trust your mom Lia
Zayn is fine! Absolutely fine!

The Entire time my mom tried to calm me down, i just cluldnt stop thinking about him or the trouble he might be in. However, not willing to worry my parents anymore i decided to fake my happy face before them.

Zayn's touch, his unruly hair and his blue eyes are haunting me every night now. It feels like I am back in Washington, crouched in a small corner of my room crying my heart out to let go of the pain. But even this time, the pain just doesnt seem to go. The hole in my heart is back and this time, even worse. It has been a week since I saw him last. destiny is never in our favour, now that I have decided to forgive him and give us a chance, it seems he doesn't want me to. He is running away from me but that day he begged to stay. What went wrong? Did I push him away?

Have I always pushed him away?

*****

I couldn't sleep the entire night, kept dialing his number and it went straight to voicemail. I left him messages but I dont think he read any. The entire way to college i just kept thinking if he is there what would I say to him. Should I slap him for having ignored me the entire week or should I just go and kiss him? A part of me was scared that I wont find him there. But the other part was excited and happy thinking I was ready to start afresh with the guy i love, the guy i have always loved.

Surprisingly, he was there. Standing right next to his car with a bunch of his friends around him laughing. As much as angry i was for not having called me back, I was equally relieved that he was okay.

"What the hell do you think of yourself." I shouted, marching my way towards the group. I wanted to pull him out of the people surrounding him and punch him hard but I contained my anger realizing I yet dont have the right to do that.

"I'm sorry, what do you mean?" His voice was cold and sharp. As if he had not done anything, not ignored me for a fucking week after our kiss and begging me to stay.

I was shocked but i decided to not make a scene and talk to him instead of running away from there crying. I would not repeat my mistakes this time
Control Lia

"Can I please talk to you, alone?"

Zayn calmly stepped out of the hoard of dumbasses surrounding him who were looking at me as if I was a runaway criminal.

"What is it, Lia?"

"How can you even ask me that question. I called you for like a thousand times, sent you texts and voicemails. You remain invisible for a freaking week and now you are just standing there with your friends like you dont owe me an explanation. We had a moment Zayn! We are supposed to talk about that. Talk about what to do now!" I didnt realize I was practically shouting that caused a few faces to turn towards us.

"What moment? We were alone, we were hungover. It could have happened with anyone. If some other girl was there with me, maybe I would have kissed her too." He let out a chuckle.

What?

I could feel the pain in my heart. Worse than ever. It was like someone has stabbed me right on my heart. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't cry. I stood there still. His words broke me, into pieces, millions of pieces.

"Look! Just forget whatever happened okay. Maybe we can be friends. But sorry Lia ,nothing more. I dont like you in that way." He said and left, leaving me there standing and take in his words. His cold, hard words.

*****

I didnt realize that my second period was already over until my phone screen lit up with Tyler's message. I didnt have the strength to even open it. I was sitting still on the bathroom floor with knees squeezed to my chest which I thought would reduce the pain, but it didnt help either. I was not crying. Maybe because I was too tired to cry or maybe because I didnt have anymore tears left to shed for Zayn. I just felt dead. I felt numb on the cold floor but I didnt know if it was because of the floor or his words.

What moment
I dont like you in that way
Maybe I would have kissed her too
Kissed her too

"Lia? Are you there? open the door''

Maybe we can be friends
Forget whatever happened
I dont like you

"Lia open the fucking door for god's sake!"
The banging in my head grew louder and louder.
"I am gonna have to break it open now!"
Then I realized it was Tyler on the other side of door pleading to open the door.

You cant do this to yourself! That guy hurt you everytime you tried to trust him. Not anymore! Not again! You have to be stronger than ever. You cant let him affect you. I came here for a new start and I cant let Zayn ruin this for me.
I just cant.

"Hi Tyler. Sorry I just needed some alone time."
I said faking a smile as I unlocked the door and came out. My knees were week. But I had to stand and show how stronger I am than the previous Lia.

"Are you okay?I saw what happened outside the campus with Zayn."

"I am fine! Dont worry about me. I just got a bit distracted I guess. I had forgotten why I came to Toronto to fulfill my dreams, not to just fall in love with the same jerk again and again."

Tyler looked at me with a blank stare for a few seconds and then he smiled. Before I knew, he had pulled me in a bone-crushing hug.
"I am so proud of you." He whispered in my ears.

I smiled too. A real smile.

As Tyler and I walked towards our class, I bumped into Zayn. His eyes were swollen but I could just see his cold heart through them. And I knew I had to say this before I pass this person I dont think I even know anymore.
" You did what you had to. But the next time you even try to hurt me or even talk to me, I will definitely punch you and that too so hard you wont be able to recognize your own freaking face. so     stay-the-fuck-away from me."

I could feel Tyler smirk's beside me as we shrugged past him.

I am proud of myself.