@its_y/n:
What is it that makes tequila taste so good when you're sad?
▪︎▪︎▪︎
"Another one please bar man!"
Your whole body sunk against the bar, you were incapable of holding yourself up, but too intoxicated to really care. You had found yourself at yours and Sarah's regular, everything was celebrated and commiserated here. You weren't sure if that made you feel better or worse about being here.
You downed the fresh tequila that was placed in front of you. Chris the bar owner had been shaking his head at you for the last 5 shots you had taken. But again you were too intoxicated to care. Sarah had broke your heart and tequila made you feel a little better.
Maybe you weren't enough for her? Did you smoother her too much? Didn't show you loved her enough? Was this your fault? All these thoughts were swimming around your head and you couldn't escape the belief that maybe you had pushed Sarah into Hollands arms.
Tears were streaming by the time you had stumbled to the front door, your heels making it almost impossible to reach the bench situated on the side of the road.
As usual the alcohol running through your veins gave you enough courage to find your phone and click onto Sarah's contact. The ringing tone only lasting a mere few seconds before it was answered, almost as if Sarah was sitting and waiting for your call.
"Y/n?"
"I'm sorry sar, I'm sorry if you hate me. You hurt me so much and I can't help but hate myself because I obviously caused you to do this. It's always my fault and I'm sorry-"
"Y/n baby, please don't blame yourself for my actions. Are you ok? Are you drunk?"
"You didn't speak to me at all today" you stuttered out, hiccuping the whole time. The way Sarah had treated you at table read and then during filming had hurt you more than you wanted to admit. She had ignored you all day, treating you like you were nobody.
"I'm sorry baby, I thought that's what you wanted-"
"What I wanted?! I wanted you to fight for me, tell me how much you love me and not her. Are you with her now?"
"Of course not y/n! What happened was a mistake, you never let me explain... Where are you?"
"Did you enjoy it? Did she make you feel like I made you feel?"
"Y/n"
You knew you were horrible for asking such questions, but you couldn't help yourself. You were falling apart, you just couldn't hold the pieces together any longer.
"Did you sleep with her in our bed?"
"For christ sake y/n! No I didn't! I pushed her away as soon as she leant in and kissed me. I dont know how you got that photo or who took it, but it was obviously a set up. I don't want to argue over the phone like this. Please just tell me where you are"
"You broke my heart Sarah"
You heard Sarah start to breathe heavily, and you could almost hear the tears running down her cheeks. They matched yours.
"I know..."
Her voice was so quiet you almost didn't hear it over the sound of the bar behind you. But the sobs that escaped her were so loud in your ears that they pretty much deafened you; pulling out your own sobs too.
"I'm at Chris' place"
"I'll be there"
*time skip*
You were nearly keeping your eyes open as Sarah pulled up in front of you. She was so scared when you came into view, your body was slumped against the back of the bench and you appeared motionless. It felt good to make her feel a little bit like you had felt these past few weeks.
"Y/n? Sweetheart? Can you open your eyes for me?"
"I hate that I love you so much Sarah"
And that's all you remember.
You woke up in Sarah's bed, a usual common occurrence but not recently. You missed the smell of her on the sheets and how much more safe you felt in her four walls. She wasn't next to you, the only company you had was the plastic bucket that resided on the floor. You must've been rough last night.
"Hey?... here take these"
You glanced up to the sound of Sarah's voice, instead of taking the painkillers in her hand you stood up and began walking to her bedroom door.
"I have to go. I can't be here"
"Y/n? Please"
Finally her hand met yours. But it didn't bring the joy you thought it would. It just dragged your impending panic attack further to the surface. You couldn't slow down your breathing and you felt your knees betray you.
"Sarah! I- I can't be here!"
You couldn't breathe. As if someone had wrapped their hands around your throat and were squeezing so hard that stars were forming in your vision. You couldn't see Sarah running towards you and placing her hands on your cheeks. You only felt. That was your problem. You felt everything madly and deeply. Every emotion cut you deep inside, and Sarah's actions had caused such deep, dark wounds inside of your heart.
"Breathe with me love. Copy me. In...out... that's it. Calm down. You're safe, I've got you. In...out"
Your forehead fell against Sarah's, and that's where it stayed until you managed to calm your breathing and regain control over your body and senses.
"I'm so sorry baby" You heard sarah whisper into the air, tears that had fallen from her eyes where now mixing with your own.
"I know" You didn't remove your forehead. You couldn't. You knew you had forgiven her ages ago.
