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Liked by; @sarahcatharinepaulson, @pillypie, @evanpeters and 499,869 others
@official_y/n: From one crazy hairstyle to another
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You and sarah had decided to visit the hotel bar and try out some of their many cocktails. She looked beautiful, and you were still in shock that she had chosen to be with you when she could have anyone she wanted. This trip to Hawaii was a life saver for you and Sarah, you could hardly find time for just the two of you, and to get away was amazing. Sarah had left for the toilet and had left her phone on the table, you were always scolding her for leaving her phone all over the place; she was always losing it.
Her phone lit up and you couldn't help but check that it wasn't anything truly important. It wouldn't be the first time either one of you were called into work while on a date, you prayed it wasn't FX or Ryan, as much as you loved him.
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*New Message* 'Holland: How's the holiday going? Can't wait to see you next week Xx'
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Wtf? Sarah was talking to her again? You couldn't believe it, you could feel your heart fall and a lump form in your throat. You had a bad feeling about this, the feeling of guilt for looking at her phone soon turned into anger.
"Sorry I was so long, got lost on the way back" She giggled as she retook her seat next to you.
You stayed quiet, just looked at her. You didn't want to cause a scene, you wanted to watch for Sarah's reaction towards the text message. Your hands were shaking and all the memories from before came back, all you could see was the two of them together.
She picked up her phone and a small smile appeared on her lips and it made you feel sick.
"You got a message"
"Er- yeah, its just work"
You stood up from the table and your fists clenched. You did all you could to keep your voice calm and the tears at bay. She had teared you apart... again.
"Y/n? What's wrong? Where are you going"
"After everything? You're still lying to me?!" You kept your voice as quiet as you could, any louder and you were sure you wouldn't be able to contain yourself.
"W-what are you talking about?"
"I can't do this... not again" tears ran down your cheeks as you walked away from Sarah and towards your room.
You just wanted to pack up and leave, you wanted to be home. How could you kid yourself that Sarah Paulson would want you. How could you allow yourself to be hurt again, by the same 2 women.
You'd pulled out all your clothes from the wardrobe by the time Sarah reached you. You weren't really sure what you were doing, as if you were on auto-pilot.
"Y/n... baby please?! What's happening?"
"Looking forward to seeing Holland after the holiday? Huh?"
Sarah's shoulders dropped, you knew she knew. You were so angry with her, with Holland, with yourself.
"Stop packing, we can talk about this properly"
"I don't want to talk anymore Sarah, I'm done. I can't keep being hurt by you! Its tearing me apart and I don't think I have many more pieces for you to take away from me... why are you messaging her?"
"I'm sorry... I-"
"I don't want your apologises, you think they mean anything to me now?"
You walked to the bathroom and packed away your toiletries before adding them to your almost full suitcase. Your breathing rate had picked up, you could feel the impending panic attack. But you wouldn't let yourself be vulnerable in front of her again, you'd only forgive her once again.
"We were just trying to be civilised... friendly"
"Friendly?! With the woman that broke us up in the first place? The woman that makes me feel so inadequate and unworthy of you"
"Please don't be like that-"
You huffed. You couldn't believe she was trying to turn this on you. This was her fault. You pulled your suitcase off the bed and looked around the room to make sure you had everything.
