Read my story bitch. I know I'm late AF but I decided to shoot my shot anyway cuz I'm bored and this is the funniest shit to ever happen to the internet. Yes, it's a funny story about Nicki and Tom. Please let me know if any part made you laugh, I p...
Tom got off his plane at the L.A airport and catches an Uber to Nicki's Beverly Hills home. His mind is racing thinking about her, and all the things he wants to do with her, when all the sudden he gets another FaceTime request...but it's not her. It's the one person Tom wanted nothing to do with ever in his life. Shishter James. He rolled his eyes and accepted.
"Hi sisterrrrr!"
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"James, I thought I told you leave me the fuck alone."
"I'm not stupid, deep down inside, you really want me." James said.
"I'm not gay!" Tom protests.
"Puh-leez hunty, EVERY man is a little bit gay, there's no such thing as a straight man."
"James ever since you tried to grab my dick at the Met Gala I've had to go to monthly therapy sessions! You're a hyper-sexual freak of nature and nobody wants you! Not even Grayson Dolan or Shawn Mendez!"
"Stop playing hard to get with me you silly, I saw you were back in town on your SnapMap and I think you should come over, I ordered 50 pinkity drinkities. I want to pour them all over your body and then lick you dry."
Tom shivers in disgust.
"I don't want a pinkity—whatever the hell that is. Right now I'm going to see Nicki, you know, my girlfriend?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah that irrelevant rapper bitch whose career ended in 2012. You're never gonna last with her, she's too much for you. You're just her little boy toy with no backbone, she has you wrapped around her finger." James says, looking at his fingernails.
"That's not true!" Tom protests.
"Oh yeah, it won't be long before she dumps you for another meathead MC and you'll be crying back to Sister James, I can show you what a real woman is."
"That's NEVER gonna happen, and if you ever talk about my girl again I'll strangle the living shit out of you!"
"Ooooo, do you promise? 😍"
"Fucking goodbye!"
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Tom ends the FaceTime. "Crazy twat." He mumbles, crossing his arms and looking out the window. His driver is in the front desperately trying not to laugh so he can get paid and go home.
Ten minutes later they arrive at Nicki's beautiful big house. Nicki is upstairs in her room painting her nails when suddenly she stands up and sniffs.
"I smell my mans..." she says suspiciously. She runs over to her window and sees him stepping out of the car with his suitcase and walking up the front path.
"Alas, it is my mans!"
Tom walks through the front doors. She runs out her room and peers over the railing, seeing him standing there looking up at her.
"Tom!" Nicki squeals as she runs down into the front hall.
"My Harajuku Barbie!" Tom exclaims.
They run into each other's arms and lock into a tight embrace. Then he looks into her eyes and kisses her luscious pink lips, that aren't that big but look huge compared to his.
"I missed you so much!" She says.
"I feel like I've waited years to see you." He confesses as he tucks a strand of weave behind her ear.
"Ugh you must be starving, I know I am. Come on babe, I ordered some Red Lobster for us."
She leads him into the dining room where they have dinner together. He talks about the stuff he did behind the scenes of filming, how much he hates Zendaya, dodging his crazy fans everyday, and all the times he thought about Nicki while he was gone.
Nicki talked about doing music videos for her new album Queen, other rap bitches being jealous of her as usual, how much she hates Travis Scott, and attending NYFW in a couple of weeks.
"You still goin' with me right?" She asks.
"Of course I am, we'll be the best dressed ones there."
"And that's the tea."
Tom laughs as he dunks a piece of lobster in some butter.
"How was your ride here?" She asks.
"Fine, until you-know-who hit me up for the 800th time."
"What the fuck? You mean that little bitch James Charles is still tryna hop on ya dick?"
"Yup."
"I thought we ended this shit a long time ago."
"I thought so too, but he's horny and relentless."
"I'll fuck him up myself." She says, holding up her knife.
"No darling it's ok, we got a restraining order on him remember? He can't come within 1.3 million miles of me."
"Oh yeah that's right." She says as she shoves another cheddar bay biscuit in her mouth.
"I'll block his number for good."
"Mmkay, you better not forget this time either. Don't make me bring Martha out on you, darling." She says in a British accent.
"N-no baby, there's no need for that. I got it all under control." Tom says nervously. He hates when she changes up her personality on him, it's like there's three other people living inside of her 👀
