Read my story bitch. I know I'm late AF but I decided to shoot my shot anyway cuz I'm bored and this is the funniest shit to ever happen to the internet. Yes, it's a funny story about Nicki and Tom. Please let me know if any part made you laugh, I p...
A couple days pass after Tom proposed to Nicki. She is already traveling on the first leg of her NICKIHNDRXX tour in Europe, and Tom has already started filming the last parts of Avengers: Endgame.
The news of their engagement spread like wildfire throughout multiple media platforms, it was more sensational than when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle got engaged. #Tominka was the trending hashtag on all social media outlets.
Nicki posted a picture of her ring on Instagram with a caption:
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That's right sons, just bagged a white guy. Choke on it.
Practically everyone around the world was so happy for them. The Barbz broke the internet for two whole days, Ariana sent them a lavish gift basket filled with Gucci, Fendi, and Chanel goodies, and even Lil Wayne congratulated Nicki via text message, but not without adding:
If you was tha real queen and I was tha real king, off record, I'd be hittin' that.
She left that message on read, which made him come back a couple hours later and add:
I was playin', nick.
But unfortunately, not everyone was happy about the news.
Drake spent 10 hours in his closet crying, drinking Moscato, and listening to the JoJo version of Marvin's Room on repeat, even though he and Nicki never were a thing and every time he tried to shoot his shot she turned him down.
Cardi B's nosy hatin' ass scrolled endlessly through tweets about them, taking a tweet from Hollywire announcing their engagement and subtweeting;
yeah ok. #cloutchasing
...to which Nicki clapped back tweeting;
My mans had you growing a whole 'nother head off the side of your face and you still runnin' dat mouth, but whatever #goawf
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But no one, absolutely no one.......not a single soul, could have taken the news any worse than Sister James.
The moment he saw it announced on E!, he ran to his room like a little girl and cried into his pillow for a whole day, contemplating ending his career as a YouTube beauty guru, seeing no point in going on living if he couldn't have Tom. He was devastated. James is still in his room crying, empty Starbucks cups and crumpled up tissues all over the floor around his bed.
"I don't understand, how can he resist me like this for that stupid hoe! I'm the whole package plus I still have a package, I'm sister MADE for him!" He cried, hugging his Morphie eyeshadow palette in his arms.
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"I have to do something, this can't happen. I won't let it happen! I'm, I'm.....I am going to ruin Tom Holland." He said, sniffling. He sits up in his bed and wipes his eyes.
"I am going to punish him for not taking me, I am going to make him rue the day he put a ring on that little Trini bitch's finger! By the old Sisters and the new, I will take what is mine with highlighter and blood!" James declares loudly with an evil smile on his face. He cackles like a Disney villain, so loud it echoes through his entire LA home.
