Palas

22. "I'm not jealous Alex."

For the first time in my life, I understand why people feel the need to smoke a cigarette or drink a glass of wine before they go to bed. I'm tired, yet not ready to sleep.

To my surprise I find Rosie in her bed and she seems to be asleep so I tiptoe to the balcony to catch some air. I close the window as softly as I can, but it wakes Rosie up anyway. She enters the balcony and I realize it is the first time we're here together, sitting down.

"Did something happen?" She asks carefully, tugging her hair behind her ears.

"Someone drowned," I tell her and she covers her mouth with her hand. Her eyes, still full of sleep, widen.

"How, what?" She shakes her head not understanding what happened.

I explain her the situation word for word. The words lift something off my chest. The pressure I felt there since I retrieved his body. When I tell her, I still see the dead look on his face. How he had a grim expression that explained how he couldn't understand what happened to him. His hair a light blond and curly, even in the salty water. I remember the blue stains already covering his body and a tiny part of me wonders if we couldn't have done something differently. If we should guard the beach, from the beach and not the tower. If it would have made a difference. But I know after three night shifts that two pair of eyes can't scan the whole beach in the dark. There's so much happening and a lot happens without us knowing. In a way, the guy is lucky to have been found. Others get lost.

"I can't believe you plugged him out of the water," she says her eyes watery after I stay silent.

"I believe it is what lifeguards do." My response is dry without much life in my voice.

"Yes, of course," she corrects herself. "I mean, that's brave to do and all."

"I guess." I shrug not feeling brave at all. "I can't stop thinking about the boy's parents."

"Why?" She frowns.

"Must be horrible to not have your son return home from holiday. To have to collect his coffin instead."

"Yeah," she answers unsure. "Maybe you should try to sleep."

"What a great idea." I hope she hears my sarcasm that she's the one advising me to go to sleep.

"I have some pills if you want." She eyes me closely for my reaction, but I am still to numb to show any.

"No thanks."

"It's harmless you know. My mum sends them, nothing crazy."

"Well, I still don't need a pill to sleep. All I need is a silent room and a bed."

"Good thing I am off for work then." She smiles politely at me and it is only then when I notice she's already dressed.

"Then I am going to bed if you don't mind." I try to get out of my chair but she pushes me back.

"I do mind, I still have some time to kill. Maybe we can talk? We haven't really had the chance to get to know each other," she says giddy and I can't help but hear Harry's warning over and over in my head.

"Okay." I sit back down and cross my legs. "Tell me about yourself."

"You make it sound like a job application," she laughs lighting up a cigarette.

"Well, I wouldn't know what else to ask." I roll my eyes, not feeling suited for this conversation after the night I had.

"Okay," she sighs. "As you know I live in Brixton as well. Finished school and then wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Took a gap year and ended up here. That's pretty much it." She takes a hit from her cigarette and the smell reminds me of home.