Palas

17. "I think you should go to sleep Lexie."

"Are you sure that you're okay?"

My tone is soft as I sit on the balcony that I have grown to love. With an empty plate that was holding my lunch, I watch over the sea that is a light blue today. My father on the other side of the world sighs deeply.

"Absolutely. What makes you think that I wouldn't be fine?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I am not there to look after you?"

"I am an adult Alex." I know that when he uses my full name that he's getting irritated with me. I don't mean to annoy him, but I can't imagine that he's really doing that great when I used to cook, clean and basically do everything in the house.

"You could have fooled me." I roll my eyes also getting irritated.

"Alex, I am not lying to you. Everyone has been stopping by. At night I eat your meals. I have been going to the pub. I miss you sure, but I can manage myself. Are you sure that you're fine without me?"

I look around my empty room, covered with clothing, my duvet on the ground. Some bags with food and bottles of soda scattered on the white tiles. My lunch, and breakfast, consisted out of chocolate chipped cookies and a coke. And my roommate is still missing. The tables have been turned.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" I hope that without my face giving away the truth, he won't realize that I am lying.

"Because you are away from me," he says it as a joke, but we both know it's true.

In all my life I have never been away from my father. With a lot of tears I would go along with school trips. Even sleeping at Sage's was a problem when I was younger. With James it came natural to sleep at his house, but I prefer staying with my father. I know it has to do with my mother leaving at a young age, that I realized how important your parents are and that I didn't want to miss a thing when it comes to my father. And most importantly to take care of him and make sure he wouldn't leave me as well.

I haven't slept right since I am here and it is because I miss him and the reassuring feeling that with him close to me I will be fine. Like all those nights where I had scary dreams and he talked me back to sleep. I could have used him last night.

"I know." It comes out in a whisper. Afraid that if I talk louder I will actually cry. "But I am managing. Like you."

"I miss you too." He suddenly surprises me.

"I miss you too, dad." I force myself to smile even though he can't see. But I know he's smiling as well.

"We'll talk soon girl. Just... enjoy yourself okay?"

"I am dad. I am. Talk soon." I hang up before he can say anything else that will break my heart.

Without his voice, I feel lonely once more. I already called James and Sage and came to the sad conclusion that my father was the only one who I needed to call. Besides the three of them there is no one else missing me.

All morning I have been sobbing around town. After Harry brought me home last night, I slept for a few hours only to wake up at seven in the morning. Rosie hasn't come home yet and it frightens what she'll do next. Although Harry hasn't given me much details, I know it must be terrible what she did.

I hope for her sake that she stayed with Liam who seems to be in on all the secrets that I am not allowed to know. He seems like a good guy with Rosie's best interests. My he can make her see that Harry didn't break his promise and that I didn't mean for her to get mad.

After a run, a walk on the beach and a long bath, I still haven't found some serenity. Harry's constant texting me hasn't helped with that either. I know he's next door, I heard him come home hours ago, but his curtains are closed. Yet he's texting me about the place where I can buy a moped and the time we have to be at Zeno's. Zeno is preparing a barbeque which is fine by me. Another night of no cooking.