Palas

43. "I can't kiss you. You can't."

7. Do something I'd never do

My heart stops, I'm sure of it, but my eyes seem to still work as they focus on only her. The way her blond hair waves in the Palas wind. Palas. She is here within eye sight. My mother who left me and I decided to never want to meet.

A slap on my cheek brings me back to reality, but then again, reality is that she's here. I'm not dreaming it am I?

"Focus," Harry hisses.

Maybe ten seconds have passed and my hands are still above the body.

"Can't find a heart rhythm," the AED muses in a monotone voice. "Start CPR."

CPR, CPR... my hands won't seem to get the signal that I have to push this woman's chest. They don't move.

"What the fuck is up?" Harry slaps me again, but this time my hands. "Get it together, Alex."

"It's my mom," I whisper so that only he can hear. Rosie has come to join us and I don't want her to know what kind of battle I am fighting inside of me right now.

"What, who? This?" He looks down to the body he is now giving heart massage.

"No, her over there," I'm still whispering, suddenly aware of our approximately.

She's only a few feet away, not even bothering to look over to the death body next to her. Or the girl failing to save her life. She's my mother, shouldn't she just feel my presence?

"I can't look Alex, because this girl under my hands is dying. Now help me the fuck out. We'll deal with your mother later," he spits the words after every thrust into the girl's body. But my eyes can't seem to leave my mothers.

"Alex, look at me," Harry says and something in his voice, in his plead, makes me slowly pull my gaze from my mum to Harry's light green eyes. "Good, now listen. I need you to take over. Can you do that for me?"

I nod quickly, already feeling the calming effect Harry has over me. His eyes stay locked on mine as I place my hands next to his fists. After he screams thirty he lets me take over so that he can grab an oxygen mask. I know I have just let very important seconds slip all because of my mother who's finally realizing the horror happening not far away from her.

Not that I see her. I keep myself focused on the girl under my hard touch, hoping to see a sign of life, but I hear her. As soon as her voice invades in my ears, I get angry. Very angry. Her snarly tone as she speaks disgust of this happening in front of her is pissing me off to a whole other level.

"I'm on holiday for god's sake. Couldn't those kids take her somewhere else," she whines not even a tiny bit concerned about the girls faith.

My entire body starts to shake beyond my control and even though I am panting for air, I get goosebumps. If she continues talking then I will need the AED soon.

"If you don't like it, then fuck off," Harry yells over to her. "That is a warning for everyone. Give us some space!"

I hadn't even noticed how people slowly but surely closed in on us. Swarming around us as if Harry and I are naked, doing it. In this moment, I wish we were. Anything is better than this situation.

"Help is on the way," he whispers to me and I take a moment to look into his eyes to regain some strength to do this.

Doing CPR feels like running a marathon. At first you're high on adrenaline and it feels as if you're going to win this. But slowly doubt slips in. What if we don't win? All the training down the drain. Or in this case. This young girl's life.