Palas

44. "We were never friends, Alex."

With a lot of perseverance I reach our flat. Rosie right behind me as I push open the door to our room.

"I can't go back," I tell her meaning the beach. We have to work an evening shift but I don't feel like working the next seven hours with Harry.

I try to act cool to Rosie although I just wept in her arms, but I am as embarrassed as I could be.

I begged him to kiss me. The boy who doesn't kiss co-workers because it is against his policy. And I asked him because I wanted to escape the bigger problem, my mother. Certainly I was wrong in thinking I changed. The first thing I did was jump on Harry after things got rough. Part of me knows it isn't that black and white, but to protect myself I don't want to think anything further of it. There are other things I have to address.

Like my dad and James. I have to tell them what happened, everything. And I have a million question for my father, but my brain is a mush. Nothing sensible comes out as I watch Rosie move through our room.

"I'll cover for you okay?"

"You would?" I can't believe she would do such a thing for me. I've learned that Rosie is a pretty selfish person and her doing something for another person is a miracle.

"Yeah, of course. I'll go back now and you can stay here..." she looks around the room as if wondering what the heck I am going to do here. I don't know either.

"That's really sweet of you," I manage to say and she smiles softly.

"It is, isn't it?" She beams at me as she realizes her big gesture. "You deserve it though. Your mother is a real bitch. She married my mother's brother, but they could have easily be sisters instead of sisters in law."

"How well do you know her?" I wonder. I already forgot that detail. Seriously, I might need to start write things down like my father. All I remember is Harry fleeing away, not meeting his lips but instead his back.

"Not really, it's not that they meet that often. But I have seen her enough times to know that you should be happy without her."

"Maybe," I mutter staring down to my knees. "What is your uncle like?"

"He's a prick." I can see her tense up as I mention her uncle and it sparks my curiosity. "Not my cup of tea. Now if you don't mind, I am off."

She turns her back to me and I watch her disappear, the sweet glow she had earlier just as gone as my mother and Harry. Honestly everything is such a mess that I do the first thing that comes to mind. Clean.

Not deal with Harry and my stupid request that probably ruined our friendship. Not deal with my father who knew my mother would be here and the chance of me bumping in to her. Not deal with the lingering and definite loss of my mother.

No, I clean. The webs on the ceiling gross me out as my cloth washes them away. The tiles in the bathroom turn white again because I scrub them so hard hoping to scrub away Harry's face as well. The little stove blinks and I almost lose a nail to get it that way.

All my clothes (and Rosie's) are washed and dried and when the sun sets and I cook and eat my now famous macaroni, I still don't know what to do with myself. I guess there is only one thing left to do.

As the phone bleeps my heart accelerates. I honestly don't know where to start.

"Hey Lexie," my dad's familiar voice sounds through the other end of the line. I hold my breath. "What's up?"

"I just met my mum." There is no other way to say it. Although I have known her for a part of my life, it feels as if I have just met her for the first time.