Palas

12. "No, she doesn't deserve you."

I stroll back to the flat. The usual one minute walk takes me a bit longer. I stop every time to look if Harry returned but he didn’t come back. I’m not sure why I am so bothered with our fight. It isn’t the first time we annoyed each other, but maybe I had this weird feeling that something changed today. His teasing was replaced with kindness, trying to teach me something that I didn’t need to learn.

Harry was actual being nice to me and I ruined it by asking him the one question that I already know the answer off. Tonight when he comes to the barbeque I will apologize to him. The thought of spending all my shifts with him scares me if we fight this easily. It’s just that I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when I feel strongly about something. And that might be the same for Harry, but I have to be the bigger person and try to control my temper.

Nothing sits in front of the entrance as if he knows that I need some company. Instead of going inside I sit down on the steps and cuddle with Nothing. His pelt looks clean after the bath I gave him a few days again. He nudges me with his head against my leg persuading me to pet it. I stay put for a while, trying to regain the peaceful feeling I felt in the middle of the ocean, but it doesn’t come back. My phone buzzes and I take it out of my bag.

Unknown number
16.04 PM: Hey Alex, it’s Kate. I won’t make it in time for the bbq. I’m sorry, see you next time. X

For a moment I wonder how she got my number and why she isn’t going to make it. I know her shift must have ended by now and I can’t help the knot in my stomach growing bigger. What if Harry made her cancel her plans with me? He didn’t like the idea to begin with. I only hope I am being paranoid.

Nothing curls down between my legs and I rest my head in my neck to look up to the sky. The weather has been great today. The sun burns on my skin and there’s barely any wind. Usually good weather in England increases my mood but this time I wish there where clouds to match the feeling in my stomach. There are only a few people who can make me feel better and I decide to call one of them.

“Hey dad,” I say after my phone ringed for about thirty seconds. My father isn’t the fastest in picking up. His bad memory makes him forget things like my birthday but also where the phone is – even when it’s ringing.

“Hey Lexie!” His upbeat voice tears me apart. I should be there with him in rainy London. Not here where I’m alone.

“Dad.” I break, my voice hoarse as I try to swallow my tears, but this time I am not so successful.

“What’s wrong girl?” I hear the concern slip in his voice and I can picture him shift uncomfortable in his seat. He never knows how to comfort me when I am down but he always does. Just by simply being himself.

“I feel so lost,” I bring out, my lower lip shaking as I try to take short breaths. It isn’t until I say the words out loud that I know that’s what I am. Lost.

“You? How’s that even possible?” He half laughs causing me to sob.

“I don’t know. I just feel lost and alone.”

“Ah well. We both know you’re not good at being alone, but maybe it’s a good thing you’re learning that now?”

“Maybe.” I snort, not feeling what he’s implying at all. Why would someone want to feel like this?

“And lost. That’s not the Lexie I know. You are always the one making the best of situations. I know you can do this.”

“I know.” I sigh my breathing still stammering. “I just wish you were all here. It’s so beautiful and relax here…”