BitterSweet (On Hold)

Chapter Seven: Confusion

Chapter 7: Confusion

The holidays were coming to a close soon and it was down to the last 2 days now. By now during my hospitalisation period, I have completed most of my holiday homework. It wasn't much to begin with but when we tend to procrastinate, then we might feel it is a lot of accomplish in a day. "Hey, you done with the holiday assignments Ms Ho give already?" Samson asked as he sat at the table doing his maths homework while I sat on the bed flicking the channels trying to find something good to watch. "Yupp", I replied. He turned to me and smiled, "Can let me copy? I promise if u do, tomorrow I will have time to bring you to the city to walk around, Ok?" Now that sounds like a great deal. "Fine fine. It's in the drawer there on the shelves. Go get it yourself." I said to him.

He seemed really happy. "You won't get better though if u keep copying." I remarked. "Yeah I will. I'll be so good at copying." He retorted. "And what good will that do you?" I asked just to annoy him. "No idea but it is a skill. Maybe a secretary?" He said jokingly.

It seemed like yesterday, Samson and Priscilla had a number of tiffs and disagreements. It ranged from unreplied WhatsApp messages to where they should go for a date today. I suddenly remembered and looked at my watch. It read 1:47 pm. "Holy Shit! Samson. Don't you have a date with Priscilla at 2:30?!" I exclaimed. "Yeah why?" he asked as though he didn't really care. "It's almost 2 already!" I said to him suddenly anxious. He jumped up, "What? Shit. I didn't know." He rushed to the bathroom to wash up and hurriedly changed his clothing. Just then, Priscilla called. "She's calling you now." I said loudly to Samson. "I'll take that" he said as he rushed over to grab the phone.

Over the phone I could hear him apologising and telling her he won't be late. I'm thinking to myself, how is he going to do that? I'm sure even Uncle Tang doesn't drive that fast. He put down the phone, wore his pants and shirt and bid me a goodbye. And there I was again, alone with the TV and computer.

I lazed around on the bed and tried to take a nap, but my body just won't let me go to sleep. So I went on the laptop to browse videos and webpages. I came across a webpage; it was a blog that featured quotes of the day. The first quote that struck me was, "It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not. Andre Gide, Autumn Leaves." I sat back into the chair and let myself fall into deep thought.

And there, I wondered if this quote was true. If it would be better that Samson hate me for who I am is better than him loving me for something I am trying very hard to be. And deep in thought I was until it was time for dinner and Aunty Suzie came to ask me join my parents at the dining table. My sister sat down already and so was my mum and dad. I greeted them, "Pa, Ma." Then I proceeded to sit down at my place. We had Chinese cuisine for dinner. And we talked about each other's day and I told them how boring it was, on the holidays, to do homework and all. What I could never tell them was that I preferred boys. Then the quote flashed in my mind again. It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not. I wonder again. Will it be better if my family hated me rather than love me for the perfect son I am trying to portray to them?

I was lost in thought until my mum called my name and my sister kicked my shin. "Ow. That hurt." I stared daggers at my sister who was smiling. "Ma asked if you had a girlfriend just like your friend." She said. "What? No." I started blushing. My mum seemed to catch hold of that and teased me about it but I insisted that I don't. Finally the dinner was over and I retreated back into my room. It was about 8:30. I turned on the television to see if there were any good programs when Samson came into the room. I was pretty much surprised that he was home so early. He usually came home slightly after 10 when he goes on dates with Priscilla. "Why are you back so early?" I asked.

"I don't really feel that well so I told Priscilla I should go home early." He replied. With that, he stood at the end of the bed and literally fell backwards, crashing into my leg. "Ow. Why is everyone attacking my leg today?" I exclaimed. He rolled to his side and looked at me smiling, "because you are too damn easy to attack dumbass".

I shifted back to my side of the bed and he rolled over to his and positioned himself under the sheets. By now, we have removed the need of the body pillow that was placed between us for at least the first 3 weeks because I felt that Samson might feel a little intimidated sleeping next to another guy. But now we had nothing in between. It made communicating to each other easier too. I reached over and felt his forehead before feeling mine. "Don't seem like you have a fever." I proclaimed.

'Haha. Very funny. I don't have a fever. I'm not as weak as you think I am" he said, as he turned the other way apparently trying to catch some sleep. Soon, I felt tired too so I went to sleep as well.

The next morning, I woke up and went immediately to wash up. After that, I walked towards Samson to try and wake him up. But as I touched his shoulder, I felt his body temperature and it was way too hot. "Hey. Wake up. I think you are burning up." I said. He grumbled and opened his eyes slightly. I repeated my sentence just in case he didn't catch it. "Seriously? It's the last day of holidays too. I promised you to bring you to the city too." He grumbled. I went to my drawers and got some paracetemol pills for him. He swallowed it and gulped down a mouth full of water. "See, swallowing a pill isn't all that hard ya?" he said to me. "Sure...Especially when it gets stuck in the throat." I retorted.

I went to the bathroom to get a basin of water and a small face towel and set it at the side of the bed. I attempted to take Samson's T-shirt off. "Hey... what are you doing?" he grabbed my arm asking. "Wiping you down. How else would your fever go down?" I answered. He released his grip and assisted me to help him remove his clothes. Soon enough he was just in his underwear. His pectoral muscles and abs very so defined. He was the epitome of sexy for me. But I knew I had to control this hunger and urge within me. I took the wet towel and twisted it and started wiping him down. When I got to his crotch area I stopped for a moment and then decided to continue. I was constantly talking to him to distract myself from the gorgeous body that lay before me.

You could say it as though I was the hungry dog that saw a bowl of meat in front of it. How could it resist? But I controlled myself. He turned over and allowed me to wipe his back and the back of his legs. After that I continued wiping his front and I stopped short at his crotch area again. This time, it was for a different reason. His d**k was enlarged and showing through his underwear. He got up when he realised I stopped, "What's wrong?" he looked at my face and then down at his crotch.

He suddenly moved slightly back and apologised. "I'm sorry". "What for?" I tried to sound cool. That was the dumbest question to ask. I know what for. "Erm..." he stuttered. I took the towel and pretended to rinse it in the basin of water and then took the basin to the bathroom.

When I emerged from the bathroom later, he was sitting up at the bed, looking seriously deep in thought. I walked over to my side of the bed and sat down slowly and gently. He turned to me and asked the last question in the world I would ever think he would say, "Will you kiss me again?" For a long while I just sat there like an idiot. Until, Samson apologised. Before he could finish his 'sorry', I grabbed him and went for the kiss. This was the second time we kissed. And passionate it was. It felt like my heart could stop at any time. I just felt so happy that my heart seemed to want to explode at times.

As we broke away from the kiss, he looked me in the eye and asked me, "Do you have any feelings for me?" He looked like he was about to cry so I pulled him into a hug and whispered, "I've always had feelings for you since I saw you playing the drums the first time". We embraced for a long while and eventually we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Luckily for me, neither Auntie Suzie nor Auntie Marie had come up here yet or seeing me cuddling an almost naked Samson would definitely freak them out and spell real trouble. I quickly went to lock the doors and went back cuddling Samson. It was pure bliss for me. The warmth and his breathing was like the rhythm that he played on the drums, so melodious and wonderful.