These Paper Pages

Halcyon (Rei x Arlo)

Arlo's eyes skirts over the door to the music room. Fisting the fabric of his pants, he bolsters the courage to swing it open and step inside.

Heartbeat loud against his ears, he swallows the emotion threatening to spill from his throat as he closes the door behind him. The format of the room has changed, taking a shaky step, his fingers trail over the keys of the piano as he slowly makes his way towards the rack holding the electric guitars. The stillness, the silence, it was overwhelming to say the least, it held too many memories of boyish laughter and sunny smiles that the silence was deafening.

Wrapping his fingers around the neck of it, Arlo lifts one of the electric guitars from the rack, he uses his free hand to support the body as he pulls it close to him. A ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips as his fingers glide over the strings fondly.

"It matches the colour of your eyes." Rei tells him as he hands him the guitar, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. Arlo tries not to think of the warmth spreading in his chest as he takes it from his hands with care.

Cradled in his arms is the baby blue electric guitar sporting a white pickguard, it was Rei's old electric guitar, one he had donated to the school. It was also the first guitar he had given him when they would meet up in the music room to practice. Arlo swallows thickly, slinging the strap of the guitar over his shoulder, he positions his fingers on the fretboard. With practised grace, his fingers danced over the fretboard as they switch from the F major to G major then to E major; the beginning of the song Rei had written.

"I wonder if you ever got around to finishing this song." He whispers to himself, closing his eyes as he continues to strum to the beat of the song he remembers Rei playing over and over during those listless days where the music room was their sanctuary. Arlo remembers being fascinated with the way Rei's fingers dance with practised ease over the fretboard as he smoothly transitions from one chord to another. He remembers how intently he used to watch the movement of his fingers before his gaze would drift to his face, admiration, fondness, warmth, a storm of butterflies fluttering in his stomach as his breath hitches. The smile adorning Rei's face when he laughs was as beautiful as the intense focus creasing his forehead as he experiments with the song's chord progression.

"Is there something on my face? You were staring." Arlo swallows the surprise and spike of anxiety with a roll of his eyes and a quick quip, "Must be your imagination." He ignores the heat crawling up his neck at the sight of his smirk, they fall in silence once more.

If any one of the other students find him in his current state, he wouldn't know how to explain. The words leaving his lips overflows with emotion as his fingers transition from one chord to another.

Anger. Grief. Denial. For once, he didn't know how to deal with these overwhelming sensation. A part of him wanted to scream, to lash out, god knows he already took it out on Remi earlier today. Another part of him wanted to curl up in a ball and weep, to sink in the comforts of his bed and forget. Everything hurts. The thought of never seeing him again, of never hearing his voice again...his chest tightened at the thought, it felt like he was under water, his lungs filling with liquid and he can't breathe. His fingers tear through the strings, the sound echoes and Arlo finds himself screaming as he tries to breathe.

Tears cloud his vision and Arlo finds himself staggering and reaching out for something to hold on to, to steady himself because the weight of his grief is threatening to crush him.

"Do you have a name for the song yet?" Rei tilts his head, drumming his fingers against the desk, thoughtful. "I was thinking of 'Halcyon', what do you think?" Arlo thinks it's perfect but he merely nods and smiles. And to Rei, that was enough.

He wanted to hear his voice, he wanted to hold his hand again, to feel his skin against his.

"What about our bet!" Rei's gone, he's gone but he can't accept that, because this was Rei they were talking about, he can't be gone. "What about our damn rematch?" He wanted to see him again. The tears building at the corner of Remi's eyes stung, but he couldn't stop, he couldn't stop because he wanted, no, he needed this to be a cruel joke because Rei can't be dead.

Arlo wanted to see him again. He wanted to see Rei smile again, he wanted to see him throw his head back and laugh until tears stung his eyes. He wanted to see those golden eyes intensely focused on the task at hand, he wanted to see the dark circles underneath his eyes and that stupidly cute yawn he does when he thinks no one is watching.

"You goddamn idiot." He hisses between sobs. "This was supposed to be your song to finish, not mine. You should be here." Arlo sinks into the chair as he cradles the guitar tightly in his arms.

"You should have been here." He wishes for halcyon days, he wishes for those spring days spent in the music room, hidden away from the eyes of others. He wishes for the touch of his hand, for the taste of his lips on his, he wishes for those to never end. "I couldn't even say goodbye."

Halcyon, the name of the song has never been more ironic. 

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This was heavily inspired by Fuyu no Hanashi from the anime Given, I was listening to it and I remembered Mafuyu's words and so here we are.