These Paper Pages

Glow [Joremi]

"If you were to die tomorrow, what would you do differently today?"

Remi closes her eyes as his words echoes in the back of her mind. Basking under the glow of the warm summer afternoon in the comforts of the sound the ocean waters lapping up the shore, she reminiscences the day they both spent together. A memory of him is ingrained so deeply in her, hidden away in the back of her mind and only resurfaces in still, quiet afternoons and evenings, and in early mornings when she wakes up searching for his hand only to realise he is no longer there. The tears would always prick the corners of her eyes when she wakes to an empty side of the bed where he used to be, messy dark hair clinging to his face and a trickle of drool rolling from his parted lips. She loved him all the same, Remi would thread her slim fingers through his hair as she pulls herself closer to him, a quiet laughter bubbling from her lips at the sight of him in the morning. The bed was always so warm and filled with the scent of his shampoo, vanilla and coconut.

Now the bed is cold and empty and the traces of him are merely a memory she keeps.

They found out about his condition too late, he was beyond help and the time they had sworn to stay together was severely clipped short. John hated seeing her at the hospital, but Remi figured he hated living with the fact that this is how she will remember him. John would often tell her that it'd be best for her to go now, and Remi would always smile and take his hand into hers and refuse. Seeing him hooked to IV drips and other machines was difficult and painful but she'd never leave him in such a time of grief. Her heart bleeds at the sight of him so devoid of hope and missing the bright smile that puts the sun to shame. She remembers staying till visiting hours were over and those hours are spent through talking about a future they'll never get to live together.

Her eyes flutter open, his funeral had been a week ago or more, time had been irrelevant, she couldn't remember when it had been. His body finally caved in and succumbed to his illness, Remi was there at the time of his death. The moments before death claimed his life was hysteria for her. Panicked yells as she calls for the nurse, she was ready to bolt out of the door but John's hand grabs a hold of her, making her pause in her panic. She remembers looking back at him, tears streaming down her cheeks and her words barely coherent between sobs. She didn't want to lose him. The doctor and nurses soon rush into the room but it was far too late, nothing could have saved him. She clung to his hand, holding it to her cheeks as she wept, tremors racking her body as a sob escaped her throat. They had to pry her away from him.

The house felt inexplicably large and haunted, cold and empty yet full to the brim with memories of them. And so she would always find herself in other places, places they used to frequent. The beach she stood on, it held many memories of them. He loved the beach, the outdoors. Most days they would spend their time splayed on the beach towels under the protection of their beach umbrella. If she had known that his time was closing in, she would have whisked him away from that hospital room and take him to where they first met, to the beach, to that Boba shop he loved so much. The tears roll down her cheeks, clamping a hand to her mouth, her knees tremble and caved in to her weight. If only she had more time.

The dreams, the plans they've made, the promises... they'll only be a memory of him and the future they'll never get to live.