These Paper Pages

in memoriam [rei x reader]

The ghost of you haunts my dreams and follows me in my wake, a phantom in the corner of my eye I hope to catch a glimpse of when I feel desperation claw at my chest. You are not there, and yet hope fills the aching cracks in my chest. It hurts, the way the heart constricts and squeezes when I find no one there. Dust collects on the small desk by the window sill where you'd sit, notebook opened and a pen in hand, gaze drifting over the hanging clouds on top of flourishing trees, sunlight slipping through the spaces. It feels surreal that you're no longer there, sitting and watching, a smile adorning your lips idly as you drum your fingers against the wooden table.

The memory I have of you, I wish it would slowly slip from my grasp, become a faded portrait left to collect dust in the corner of my mind. Neglected and left to rot, these feelings I hold for you, abandoned and pushed to the darkest corner of my heart in hopes of moving on, of finally ridding myself of these slivers of hope that still wishes to cling to you.

If only it was that easy.

"You didn't have to go." I whispered to the wind. The nights are cold, colder now that you're gone. In nights like this, in moments of madness touched by grief and yearning, I'd see you. Pale, a washed out, see-through photograph superimposed on reality. Wisps of lush pine hair tickles your forehead, amber eyes gleaming—

although this is surely just madness talking because you're not here, you're dead—

a sweet, saccharine smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. Arms outstretched and I, I would reach out...

And find only emptiness embracing me in its open arms, holding me as grief weighs me down. Shutting my eyes close, teeth digging into my lips, I taste copper and the salt of my tears.

"Rei." Your name leaves my lips, a silent prayer, a secret wish. My voice quivers, these tears won't stop falling. "Rei."

I think of you, I see you in the light of the moonlight and hear the way the wind carries your voice, light and airy, laughter ringing in my ears. Dreams of changing this world for the better, the way you speak with passion that people can't help but stop and listen—

My chest feels like it's going to burst from this agony.

Halcyon days and summer haze, the sun in your eyes and the billowing treading through your hair; the warmth of the setting sun on our skin and the feel of your lips on mine. The promises we made after graduation party as we sneaked away from the loud music and strobing lights, starlight as our witness—a canvas of memories from highschool to now, the 'what could have been's if only you stayed.

"Y/N, after we finish college, if there's still an us till then, would you marry me?" Warm hands and bare skin, your fingers trailing down my stomach. A soft sigh, my fingers treading through your hair as I pull you close.

"Of course." The surety, the breathless, easy acceptance took you by surprise, I couldn't imagine spending the rest of life with someone else.

Such sweet promises tasted like ashes on my tongue now.