Oikawa X Reader

37.

I glance around the large kitchen, watching Ayumi from a seat on the island. She dances around the kitchen, grabbing ingredients from cabinets and utensils from various drawers. She's been making lots of small talk with me, but hasn't really bothered talking about the big thing on both of our minds. Not that I blame her in the slightest. I don't think I would know what to tell me either.

"So Tooru's leaving for a few away games soon?" She smiles, not directly looking at me, "How long will he be gone?"

"Only for a couple weeks," I explain, "Then he's back again for a long while."

She hums to herself for a moment before looking over to me, "And you'll be watching Seiji?"

I give her a slight nod, "Iwaizumi said he'd come stay with us, but I'm looking into getting a nanny so that we're not too much of a bother."

"You know you I could always come stay with you both," she suggests.

I smile softly, "Wouldn't you mind? Seiji's pretty easy but it's still a lot of work. I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"I have raised kids before you know," she chuckles, "You and Tooru can talk it over but I'd love to help if you'll let me."

I nod, considering her proposal. I haven't gotten that close with her yet, but she is Seiji's family, and mine too in a way. Still, I do feel like I'm beginning to become a burden to more people than I'd thought. Silence fills the room once more. It's awkward and it's uncomfortable, but neither of us try to break it. It simply hangs over us, the tension becoming almost too much to bear.

The door to the backyard opens, as Seiji and Tooru come marching in, laughing to each other. I smile as Seiji runs towards me, a grin on his face.

"I have something for you!"

"And what would that be?" I chuckle, bringing my hand to his cheek gently.

As he removes his hand from behind his back, he reveals a bundle sweet pea flowers, all beautiful and white, yet slightly squished from his tight grasp. I accept them gracefully, bringing them towards my nose for a quick smell, before placing them beside me on the counter.

"Thank you Seiji," I smile, lifting him onto my lap, "You're too good."

I look over towards Tooru, who's hovering behind his Mother, watching her work. That chatter quietly together, while Seiji tells me all about the garden outside.

"You should go see it!" Seiji exclaims.

"I guess I have to now," I smile, "You make it sound beautiful."

Tooru walks over beside us, ruffling Seiji's hair, and making the boy laugh.

"Are you all hungry?" Ayumi asks with a grin.

•••

I sit quietly, my hands wrapped around my mug, it's warmth seeping into my hands. I bring it to my mouth, sipping lightly as the tea warms my entire body. Tooru sits beside me, mirroring my movements, his free hand wrapped around my waist. I lean into him with a sigh as we both stare out the window into the night.

"Will you be okay Tooru?" I ask quietly, my heart pounding within my chest.

He doesn't answer me for a moment, or even look at me. His brows furrow slightly, and I clutch my mug harder with anticipation of his answer.

"No."

I nod, my lower lip quivering as I stare into my lap. It was a stupid question. I don't know what answer I was expecting.

"But it's not so simple either is it?"

I shake my head, sipping my drink as he shifts closer towards me. I can smell his shampoo, the coffee in his hand, and the detergent from his clothes. I can feel the warmth radiating from his body, and I close my eyes.

"It's going to be hard," he murmurs, his grip around me tightening slightly.

"I know," I sigh quietly, "And I'm sorry all of this is dropped onto you."

"You don't have to apologize," he tells me, his brown eyes staring into mine, telling me the things he can't vocalize. In them I see pain and confusion and fear and a deep sadness.

"I don't want to leave either of you, and I'm sorry for having to leave," I inhale shakily before continuing, "I know it's going to be hard and that you're going to be upset, but I also know you're going to do a good job at raising Seiji. You're just as committed to shaping him into a good person as I am."

His breathing intensifies gradually, and I can see him fighting the urge to cry or yell or do anything to make the feeling of dread disappear. I reach a hand over to his, and hold it tightly. He's scared, and struggling, but I know he's hanging in there for me. He doesn't like to talk about these things with me because it hurts. It hurts for both of us, in too many ways for me to even imagine.

"Things will go on Tooru, whether I'm here or not."

He nods his head slowly, as he rises from his seat. He pulls my hand with him, and I stand beside him, his eyes avoiding mine. We stand in silence, as I take him into my arms, pressing my head into his chest, which rises and falls rapidly. His arms encircle me, and we stand in silence, clutching each other for safety and comfort, even though we know it's not enough. A hug can't stop the inevitable, and neither can we.