EverymanHYBRID Imagines 2

The Note: Evan (TRIGGER WARNING)

It's been rough for me the past few days. Well, probably more like two weeks, but still. So, as I sit in my room I share with Evan, I begin to write my thoughts down. But my thoughts are of the ... suicidal nature, unfortunately.

I have been having a rough time the past few weeks and I cannot bear it. I don't know what to do. I'm just sad all the time and it's not getting easier. I wonder what would be better off without me. Would Evan be? Would the other guys be better off without me? Oh, God, I just don't know. All I keep thinking is "why me?" and I can't seem to focus on anything else. Why do I have this life if I don't deserve it? Why me? Why me? WHY ME?!

I crumble the note and toss it to the garbage, then I get up and pace. All I'm doing is focusing on the negative, the downside of everything. But that's because for some reason, it's easier for me to think like that than it is to think productively.

What I should be focusing on is the good things. The boys, for instance. I have them, don't I? And I love them and I wouldn't trade them for the world. But why do they love me so? What did I do to deserve them? To deserve Evan?

Sighing, I lie down in bed. I end up crying myself to sleep.

....

When I wake up, Evan is nudging me gently. His green eyes are wide with worry and nervousness. I instantly know what happened. He found the note.

"Y/ n, are you ... never mind. Come on, we need to talk."

Dread coils in my stomach. I feel like I am being dragged off by the inquisition or something. My fear only intensifies when I see Vinny and Jeff sitting on the couch, and Jeff is holding the note.

"Y/n, we are worried about you. Why didn't you answer the door when we got home?" Vinny asks.

"She was sleeping," says Evan.

"But ... we found something. Well, technically, Evan did." Jeff holds up the note, and my tears spring to my eyes. It burns to keep them there, hidden, but I do my best to keep it in.

"What did you find?" I whisper softly.

"A note. A fucking suicide note, y/n.  Why? Why would you write that?" he asks.

"It isn't a suicide note," I say. "It was just me writing about my thoughts. I was trying to expel them."

"Y/ n,  you know you can talk about it with us, right?"

I look at Jeff. "Really? I just feel like I'm a goddamn burden to you lately."

"Why?" Vinny asks. "Have we done anything to cause this?"

"No, it's not you. It's literally me." I swallow hard.

"You can talk to us, about anything. I promise you that, love." Evan takes my face in his hands. "I mean it, y/n."

"Okay," I whisper.

"Will you please stay here? Stay strong, for me, for all of us?"

I nod slowly. "Yes."

"Okay." He kisses me on the forehead. "I believe you. Okay? Don't make me regret it."

"I won't."

"Good."

He kisses me again.