nashville reborn (sequel to NN)

Chapter 16

***Ridge's POV***

Mom, Dad, Rocky, Ryne, and everyone else had gone back to the hotel to rest up. I told them that I wanted to be alone, and they respected that. I was doing okay, but I was so scared to see Isaiah. I was afraid the same thing that happened to Hannah would happen to me, and everyone know how she's been doing lately. I was so scared. Thankfully, Isaiah and Mike had flew back to Nashville to see Jacob in a hockey game, so I had some time before I told him what bad happened to me, well...happend to us. I didn't even know that you could find out so early that your reproductive health could be so terrible. I mean, I wasn't a doctor, so I didn't really know, but still.

It was 8am and I was wide awake. I had done a lot of thinking and praying and writing all night long. I had nothing else to do, and I wasn't trying to be sad or depressed because what was done was done. I couldn't change anything. My dad always taught me that God makes our plan for us and we can't change that, we can only make the best of it, and I was now realizing what he meant by that.

There was a knock at my door and Carrie walked in. I sat up.

"Hey, you down for company?" She asks. I smile.

"Yeah, of course" I say. She hugs me and then sits on the bed in front of me.

"Your mama said you got some pretty sad news yesterday" She says. I swallow hard.

"Yeah. I-I have Endometriosis along with some other issues. I-I won't be able to have children" I say looking down at the bed trying to hold my tears back. She puts her hand on my leg.

"Oh, Honey" She says. My mind kept wondering if she knew that I miscarried the baby.

"Uh, did...did mama tell you anything else?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"No. Did something else happen?" She asks.

"I-I didn't want you to have to find out about this, but I guess you would one day. Isaiah and I, we...we were Pregnant" I say. She raises an eyebrow.

"You lost a baby?" She asks. I nod slowly. She pulls me into her arms. "I am so sorry, Ridge. I know how that feels". I knew she had a couple miscarriages after Jacob, but I never asked about them.

"I-I don't know how to feel" I say finally breaking down. She pulls away to listen to me. "I mean, I didn't even know that I was pregnant or anything, but I was. I had a baby inside me. My baby. Mine and Isaiah's baby. A person that was half of me and half of the man that I'm spending the rest of my life with. Carrie, It was your grandbaby. How do I cope with losing that part of me?". She was in tears by this point.

"With time. You're going to wonder why and you're going to wonder who that baby could have turned out to be. And, part of you will wish you were dead just to be with the baby you lost. It's going to hurt like hell, but you're going to get through it. You're stronger than you know, and I know that you are. You've got to believe that. Believe that in your heart and your soul. You will hurt, but not so much that you wont pick yourself up from it. Trust me" She says.

"I feel like I'm going to die" I say.

"Yeah, I know. But you won't. You're only going to be stronger" She says. I was glad that I had her to talk to about this kind of stuff. "Have you told Isaiah?".

"No. I don't really want too, but I know if he mentions kids in the future, I'd have to tell him then, so I probably should now" I say.

"He's your fiancee. He's going to he your rock through this. Plus, I'm his mama, and I know that he's crazy about you and he will love you through this" She says. I smile.

"Thanks for letting me love your son" I say. She smiles and hugs me again.

"Thank you for loving him the way you do" She says. She hugged me again.

"Did you hear about Ryne?" I ask.

"Yeah, I did. Your mom told me. She asked me, Hannah, Naomi, Jennifer,Tae, and Rocky not to tell Maddie, Jase, or Marissa.

"Maddie's gonna kill them both" I say. She laughed.

"No, she won't. That's her grandchild" She says. Her saying that made me feel guilty for not being able to give her a grandchild.

"I-I'm sorry I can't help you out in getting one of those" I say looking down at my hands. I spun my engagement ring around on my finger.

"You don't need to be" She says. "Mike and I have everything that we need. Plus, you're giving us something more than a grandbaby".

"What?" I ask.

"You're giving us the daughter we never had. I know now why God didnt bless us with one of our own. He knew that you were mean't to be our daughter all along".