Grown Man

You Without Me

Jin's POV

I had no intention of stopping Jungkook from boarding the plane because I genuinely believed that this was a good thing. Months ago when he had originally told me of his plans to study at a university on the other side of the country, I was going to tell him not to, because a part of me wanted to suggest that he and I get back together. I had thought about our break up and had long since forgiven him for it. Plus, I knew he'd never pull a stunt like that again if he cared for his life so I considered asking him if he'd want to give another go at a relationship.

But then I thought better of it.

I thought about how Jungkook had never had feelings for anyone other than me. It had always been me; he'd always been caught up on me. No doubt most of his high school mates had already been in and out of relationships, had sex, and gained experience in that aspect on life, but Jungkook was too focused on me to do any of that.

Then it hit me. What if Jungkook didn't even love me? What if what he'd felt for me all these years wasn't love, but instead, extreme appreciation. It was easy to be grateful to the stranger who took you in and saved you from a future in an orphanage. I did that. I saved Jungkook. That made me fear that he truly didn't love me, but he just thought he did because I saved his life.

How did he even know what love felt like, when he'd only ever had felt things for me and no one else? How could he distinguish between love and gratitude?

Which was why I let him go. I let the love of my life leave me. I wanted him to spend this time away from me figuring out who Jeon Jungkook was without Kim Seokjin. He'd spent his whole life revolved around me. I needed him to be his own individual, to do things for himself and not because I'd want him to do them. He based a lot of the decisions in his life so far around me and I wanted him to make decisions solely based on what he wanted. So I set him free.

As the saying goes: if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't, they never were.

I wanted Jungkook to experience life then choose to come back to me. I wanted him to meet new people, fall in love, live a life without me being at the center of it. Then, if at some point, he decided that what he and I had, surpassed what he could ever have with anyone else, I would be waiting patiently with open arms to welcome him back into my loving embrace.

I waited till his plane took off before I left the airport that night.

Then I went back to my home, which instantly felt empty and less like a home now that Jungkook wasn't residing here anymore. The house was silent and lonely. I already missed Jungkook like crazy and I had only bid him farewell a couple hours ago.

How on earth was I to survive the ensuing months before I saw him again?

I made myself dinner, which thinking back, was a bad idea because I couldn't eat it. I didn't feel hungry eating dinner by myself after being used to years of eating dinner with my Kookie. Not wanting to throw the food away, I put it in a topperware and kept it in the fridge before going to take a shower.

Maybe that's what I needed: a warm shower to distract me from my Jungkook-filled thoughts.

That definitely did not go according to plan.

I spent the entire time I was in the shower thinking about Jungkook—not all innocent thoughts, might I add.

As I stood under the spray of the shower head, I thought about what Jungkook said when I had originally agreed to date him.

I had told him I was going to take a shower and he had so boldly asked,

"can I join?"

When I rejected his request, he made another suggestion.

"Fine, can I at least join?"

I let my mind fantasize about what would have happened if I had said "yes," as I let my hand travel to my already hardening cock.

I began to stroke myself slowly as I imagined that it was Jungkook stroking me instead, trying to pry the word "daddy" out of my lips.

My thumb grazed over my slit and a bolt of pleasure went down my spine as I pictured Jungkook littering my neck and shoulder blades with kisses and leaving hickeys carelessly as he picked up his pace of stroking.

My breathing became irregular as I chased my high, letting my free hand come up to rub my hardened, sensitive nipples imagining that it was my Jungkook's hand doing that and not mine.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the shower wall directly in front of me, letting my imagination run wild.

I thought about how, if Jungkook was here with me, this would probably be the time he'd notice that I was about to come undone and he'd lift his head from my neck and place his lips next to my ear to whisper, "cum for me, Jinnie hyung."

I came with a series of loud moans escaping my lips like caged animals being set free into the wild. They were loud, intense, and parted my lips one after the other, quickly, leaving me breathless as I stared to come down from my high.

I finished taking a shower and went to my room to put on my clothes before crawling into bed. Except, I couldn't fall asleep. The house felt too cold, it was almost unbearable.

I got out of bed and went to Jungkook's room instead. I got into his bed and settled under his blanket. I remember being hesitant to buy him a new set of sheets, pillowcases, and blanket for college, but thinking about it now, I'm glad I did because his old set is still here and it smelled like him. That gave me comfort, if only a little bit, making the house feel just the tiniest bit warmer. I wrapped myself in his blanket and buried my face in his pillows, taking in his scent and letting it lull me to sleep.