Why Me? (TodoBaku)

Chapter Fourteen

Katsuki's POV:

"You disgusting homo! How could my son be one of them? I shouldn't have to deal with you. You're the reason why your father left. That's how bad you are. You're so annoying just die," Mother says.

Then suddenly the whole class is in my home with me.

"Useless" "Dumb" "Evil" "Ugly" "Villain", they yell. We're suddenly in a dark room and they're surrounding me. They repeat the words over and over.

Then Shoto comes from in between the crowd of students, and I get hopeful, thinking that he's going to save me from them.

He doesn't. "You hear that Katsuki? You're all of those things. But you're also a freak. A suicidal freak who cuts himself. Why do you do it? For attention? I will never like you. I'm not a gay bitch like you."

I'm crying at this point. I fall to the floor when he finishes talking and the others are still calling me those names. I'm every one of those, but it hurts so much hearing it from them.

What hurt me the most, though, was Shoto saying those things.

I'm hyperventilating, everything is getting louder and I feel like my chest is on fire. The weight of my body feels like tons. The voices around me are getting louder and louder. I'm shaking and when I look up I see Shoto's disappointed face. It makes everything so much harder. Everyone starts throwing punches and kicks at me and now I really can't breathe. I feel myself about to pass out and then see complete blackness.

I wake up in a panic. I can't breathe and I'm crying. I look around and I see that I'm in my room. I try to catch my breath, but I can't seem to be able to. I also can't stop crying, so that's not helping. Why? Why did it hurt more when Shoto said those things about me? I wonder if that's really what he thinks of me. I don't know how to get my breathing under control. I've had panic attacks before, but never this big. I don't know what to do. I grab my pillow and hug it tightly. I'm scared, what if I pass out? I can't go to Mother for help, so I'll just have to figure this out on my own. You'll be fine. Just calm down. You need to breathe. Just stay calm.

I try telling myself anything that would calm me down. It helps, but only a bit. My breathing isn't as harsh, but it's still ragged and shaky. I grab my phone to see how to calm myself down. I decide to put on my soft music playlist, so that I can at least get a little more sleep. The first song starts playing. I have the song at a low volume so that mother doesn't wake up.

I'm breathing fine by the end of the song, but I'm still shaking. I know that today will not be a good day already, but I really want to enjoy myself when I'm out with Kirishima. It's just going to be a hard day and I'm going to have to pretend like it isn't. It's been getting harder and harder to pretend that I'm okay.

Sometimes I just want to give up. I'm just going to say 'that's it, I'm not dealing with this shit' and act myself. My real depressing self. The one who doesn't think he's the best. The one who cuts himself. The one who's gay. The one that gets beat up by his Mother. The one who had a father that left him. The disappointment. The freak. The loser. Everyone will see how dead I am. How messed up and unusual I am. But for now, everything has to seem normal. No one suspects anything except Shoto, which is why I think it hurt the most when he called me names in my dream.

I sigh and lay down so now I'm looking at the ceiling. I have to stop thinking like this right now. I'm so tired now from the panic attack, but I'm scared to go back to sleep. What if I have another nightmare? I grab my phone and look through YouTube. I have some videos in my 'watch later' playlist, so I start watching those. It's 4:16, and I have to start getting ready in a few hours.