Save Me (Kim Namjoon X Readers)

Chapter 7

You wish you never had to open your eyes again. Opening them would mean you'll be awake, and you'll have to face the world. A world that you knew nothing of anymore. All you have ever known was that you would get married and settled down with the boy across the river. That's what Grandma had predicted, she said your adventure aligned with someone from the household. It had to have been Seokjin, there was no other option. How you wish to tell her she was wrong right now. But that wasn't the pressing concern.

The sky grew darker by the second. Slowly, you prop yourself up from the mattress on the ground. Your head was pounding but it was nothing to how you felt in your heart. The tears began falling when you remembered all the awful things you said to Namjoon. The poor boy who was in love with you, you shot down his sun. Until the sun dies, it was a bitter joke now.

The door creaked open. Hana's face showed anguished, but you couldn't tell who it was for. Her eyes did lit up when she saw that you were awake. "Lady Song, I'm so happy you are awake. Thank the heavens."

"How long had I been asleep?"

"A few hours. It's dinner time right now. But Lady Song said you can continue resting if you don't want to eat." You were thankful your mother was so understanding. You could only imagine how frightened she must have been when you fainted.

"I see." you said quietly.

"How are you feeling?" she asked hastily.

"Awful," you answered honestly. "I've never felt more awful in my entire life."

"I-I'll go get your father right now to check up on you." When she tried getting up, you grabbed her wrist and pulled her down, closer to you. You needed the warmth that you don't deserve at all.

"No, I'm an awful human being." you confessed. It didn't make your heart feel any lighter. Bringing it into light only made you want to see him more. But that was your selfish request.

"Lady Song, what are you talking about?" Hana asked with concern.

"You weren't there but I said such awful things to Namjoon. And when he looked at me, it was as if I was a stranger to him. I broke his heart."

"Only because he broke yours." Hana blamed herself for not being there with her Lady. She was at the market to get some groceries for dinner and you had assured her you would be fine cooking on your own. Who could have guessed your world came crashing down in such a short amount of time. When Hana got back, her blood went cold when she heard what happened from the other maids. Your mother was at your side the entire time before having to go to the Kim's to explain everything. It was also then that she unleashed how angry she felt about the secret. It was safe to say the wedding would not go on.

"He was only saying the truth. And even if he hadn't told me, I would have found out and my heart would ache just the same." Your mother didn't have the heart to throw away the gifts, so they were placed next to your bedside. You thought about how you treasured everything he had given you, but at this point, you don't know if it was ever him or did they all came from Namjoon.

"It was wrong of him to deceive you with the letters." Hana offered.

"He only wanted to spare my feelings. The love letters were his own confessions to me and then I spit them back at him and called them unworthy of me. I called him an orphan and said he meant nothing to me. It's not true at all. God, I want to take everything back." The tears formed again and they stained your silk blanket. Hana gasped and gently wiped your cheeks.

"My Lady, you need to stop blaming yourself, it's not good for your health."

You shook your head. "I need to go see him, right now, and beg him to forgive me." You pushed the blanket back and fixed your hair. Hana stopped your hand.

"He's gone, my Lady." she said calmly.

"What do you mean he's gone?" The sound of the world was drowning out. Everyone was leaving you.

"When Madam Song went over to the Kim's household, she learned that Namjoon had left. Madam Kim said he left on his free will, but then most of his possessions were still there."

"Oh no," you held your head. "It's all my fault. She must have kicked him out for revealing the secret." You looked up at the open window, displaying the open sky. "He has nowhere else to go, he's all alone now and it's all my fault."

"It was his decision and he should deal with the consequences." Hana stated. Though she pitied the boy, her loyalty remained with you.

"He trusted that I would be the person who will always accept him for who he is. I betrayed that. He'll hate me now, that is certain. But I need him to know that he is not alone in this world."

"He just needs time. I am sure that he will forget about everything and forgive you." Hana said, patting your back.

"I wish it was that simple. I wish there was a way he could forget everything, including me. That way, he can move on and live happily with his life."Your body felt numb once again and Hana helped you lay down. This time, she let the tears flow. Namjoon will never know how I regret it, and he will never forgive me.