Save Me (Kim Namjoon X Readers)

Chapter 14

When you got back to the boat, the air came back to your lungs. You hadn't noticed that you had trouble breathing while searching for food. You dismissed it as the buzz and high of the journey. But upon seeing Namjoon's half-visible body, the reality hits you. Being away from each other will only bring negative consequences for the both of you.

It was nice of him to row the boat closer to shore, it must have been a difficult task. You gave him a grateful smile. "I guess we'll have to stay close together now." you joked half-heartedly as you sat across from him. Namjoon's smile didn't appear as you wished it had. To your delight, he was giving you the same shy and anxious look as before. "How are you feeling?"

"I know I asked you not to touch me," he began slowly, "but could you..."

Before he could finish his sentence, you had already grabbed a hold of his hand. The same thing happened, the chills faded away as his muscles began twitching. His hand was so warm that you wanted to continue holding it, but it would be wrong. So when his whole body came back, you retrieved your hand. Namjoon was also disappointed, but didn't voice his opinion.

"Thank you." he said as he picked up the paddle.

"Are you alright to row the boat?" you asked.

He gave you a look of almost amusement "I feel better. Besides, there's not another option."

"Well, I could always do it." you suggested.

"You?" he scoffed. "This paddle is much heavier than a sewing needle." You rolled your eye at his attempt to keep you from touching anything dangerous. "It will be faster if I do it." he continued. At the sound of his conviction, the boat began moving. Your mouth curved downward as you looked at the moon.

"You're right." you sighed, "but I'd still like to try for a minute or two, to show Grandmother. She would think it's funny as well." Namjoon followed your gaze for only a second, but then went back to observing the river. He thought about the old woman who hid snacks for Namjoon whenever he came to visit with Seokjin. Or how she would always scold the Young Master for not being able to climb a tree while you and Namjoon always reached the top first. He thought about how you and she were inseparable and how lost you were when she passed.

"That sounds like her." Namjoon said with unintentional sentimentalism. He didn't regret quite as much when he saw the smile blooming on your face, like fresh daisies. Though he might regret his next decision. He waved his hand at you, gesturing for you to sit beside him. The space which had felt so free before suddenly felt cramped with both your sides touching each other. Namjon hadn't realized that by inviting you to be next to him, that it would mean he would feel your body heat as well as your scent, the one that is so addicting to him. He tried moving his knees to the opposite side, but there was no helping the physical contact.

"It is alright." you said. "You need to be close to me or else you'll disappear. And I don't want that happening." Carefully, you took the paddles from his hand and tried to mimic the movement you saw from him earlier. Strange how the boat didn't move like you had hoped it would.

"You're holding them wrong." Namjoon said beside you. It made you flinched a little not realizing how close he was. Suddenly, the sound of his heart beats became more apparent to you. "Rotate your hands a little and push them both. You need to move your shoulders at the same time."

After a few more pushes, as if magic, the boat was sailing smoothly. A sense of pride surged up from your stomach. Namjoon, however, saw that your arms were getting tired and the speed of the boat gradually decreased. It would be a miracle for you to get to your destination before your 50th birthday. Still, there was a strange grace in your movement, the way you carry yourself similar to every noble Namjoon has met. The energy and dignity were unmatched, and he had been terribly wrong for believing you could ever love him in return. Even if he should be mad at himself for it, he found it easier to blame it on you.

"Alright, I'll do it." he said, pushing your hands off the paddle. "You'll be sore later and we do not have servants here to massage the pain away."

Your shoulders slumped as you carefully went back to your original position. "I'm sorry. I was only trying to help."

"You should not make everything about you." he snapped. It was so sudden that you didn't know where it came from. You thought things were starting to move in a positive direction. But the pain in his voice and eyes was still there, there was no helping it. And the fact that he was stuck with you must fuel his animosity towards you.

"Again, I am sorry. You do not have to be so unpleasant. We can at least try to get along on this journey."

"Sorry. I cannot help it." Namjoon confessed. "Every time I see your face, I am reminded of the awful things you said. Your presence is a constant reminder." That's why he has so sparingly looked at your face. And when he does, his mouth would twist and his eyes would dim.

You bit your lips until they had wanted to bleed to hold back the hot tears. "One mistake does not shape my character. They are a part of me, but they do not tell the whole story of me. Above it all, you did not know who I truly was before."

"So you weren't the girl who was completely in love with Seokjin? That's all I need to know now."

"I wish you would stop bringing him up. As much as I wish that wasn't true, it was. I want to say I'm ashamed of that fact, but I cannot. The mistakes have been made and they will be engraved in my constellation. Believe what you want, Namjoon, but I am trying. I wished I could go back in time and hadn't listened to Madam Kim when she said I should stop playing with you and I listened, I continued to let her control my life and that would have been a permanent deed until you came along. As wrong as it is for me to say this to you, Namjoon, thank you for telling me the truth."

Namjoon had not expected you to say that at all. All of it, but to thank him for ripping down your world was something stupid, yet he was glad to hear it.